Greys anatomy (& Private Practice) women x reader oneshots

Good Juju (Addison Montgomery)

Tw- grief, panic attack

Finally an Addison one. I need to write one for her in Private Practice.

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You're an attending at Grey Sloan. You studied under Catherine Fox herself for a while and then switched specialties and went on to work in gynaecology. Women's health was important to you. You knew that it could be embarrassing to get help with those kind of issues so you always made sure that patients felt comfortable with you. That was your goal.

You were very good at what you did. You lost the lowest amount of patients out of all the other attending's - they claimed it was because you had less patients but when you worked it out, Grey only had 2 more than you last year.

However, when you lost a patient it would always hit you hard. Recently, you'd lost one of your favourite patients when she bled out during surgery. It had been 2 weeks and you hadn't operated again yet. You couldn't risk it happening again. Of course you knew that everybody loses patients at some point but, because of your line of work, you had to get way more personal with your patients and this always made the losses harder.

Truth be told, when you lost a patient you would spiral a little bit. You'd have dreams about them - nightmares. Where you'd be operating on them again and they'd keep dying. Over and over again. And you couldn't do anything to save them. The last time you lost a patient you had these dreams for months afterwards and broke down twice in your OR when you tried to come back too soon. It took a lot of therapy, but you got there.

But you couldn't afford to do that this time because, in a few hours, you had a world renowned surgeon flying in all the way from LA to help on a special case of yours. A uterine transplant. You'd read about her success with one so you reached out to her months ago and this was the nearest date she could get here.

You decided to get a coffee in the attending's lounge and look over your case notes for the 1000th time just to be extra prepared - you wasn't sure if you'd be able to cope if you lost this patient too. You'd grown close in the build up to this surgery. You sat on the sofa in the attending's lounge and started to look over your notes.

Blood. Everywhere. You couldn't find the source. The puddle of scarlet in her abdomen splashed as you put your hands in trying to stop her from bleeding out. It was no use. Then her eyes opened. They were pure white and she started to cry tears of blood. She started screaming. Begging you to fix her.

"You promised me!!!!" She'd yell.

"I'm sorry!!! I'm so so sorry!!! Please, I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!!!" You kept repeating, with tears streaming down your face and your voice hoarse from shouting your apologies. You were frantically trying to pack her abdomen with lap pads.

The OR started to fill with blood. Like a swimming pool. It was flooding the OR and it's level was rising. You blinked and you were stood in blood up to your chin. You blinked again and you were almost fully submerged - there was just a small gap between the volume of blood and the ceiling, where you could barely get your mouth above the blood to breathe.

"Help!!! Please I'm sorry!!! I didn't mean for you to die!!! I'm sorry!!! I'm sorry!!! Help me!!! I'm sorry!!! So so so sorry!!! I'm sorry!!! Help!!! I'm sorry!!!" You were desperately shouting every time your head bobbed up for air.

You knew the next time you blinked you'd drown. But as soon as the thought crossed your mind, you blinked. And you couldn't breathe. You tried to gasp for air but you were just choking on the blood.

You realised you'd fallen asleep but that didn't stop you still gasping for air when you woke up. So much so that you didn't notice someone was there with you, one hand rested on your knee and the other holding a cup of water for you.