Secrets

25: Sweet Revenge

Il-sung POV…

As I approached the front door, a wave of apprehension washed over me. I paused on the front porch, attempting to mentally brace myself for the inevitable explosive confrontation with Sujin. It had become a predictable pattern - every time I returned home after being away for more than a day, she would accuse me of betraying her trust. And to some extent, I couldn't blame her. I had been caught in the act of cheating on her a few times, and in the past couple of months, I had foolishly confessed that she wasn't the only woman who caught my attention. Reflecting on my actions, I couldn't fathom what had driven me to cheat and utter such hurtful words to her. 

In the early days of our blossoming romance, we were like two souls intertwined, inseparable, and constantly immersed in joy. Our weekends were a tapestry of enchanting moments, as we embarked on romantic escapades that left us breathless with happiness. 

Together, we ventured into the realm of exploration, indulging in long vacations that painted vivid memories on the canvas of our love story. And when the sacred vows of matrimony embraced us, she became not only my partner in life but also my trusted companion on the winding roads of business, joining me on my ventures and infusing our journey with the essence of togetherness.

I don't know what caused things to change drastically between the two of us. It all began with a seemingly harmless venture, as I joined my unmarried friends once a month to strip clubs after our second year of being married. However, as time passed, this escapade grew in frequency, evolving into a bi-weekly occurrence. 

Yet, even the initial thrill of these establishments eventually lost its luster, propelling me towards a more dangerous path. I began to spend nights away from home at a hotel close to the night club we visited. At first, I sought solace in the solitude of hotel rooms, seeking respite from the confines of our once-shared home. Gradually, the women I encountered within those club walls began to accompany me to the hotel I was renting out for the night, blurring the boundaries of fidelity and trust.

As I ventured into a world of seduction, entangled in the embrace of alluring women and an excess of carnal desires, the lingering thought of Sujin consumed me. I was well aware that she yearned for my presence while I indulged myself elsewhere. Yet, I found myself at a crossroads, grappling with the uncertainty of whether to halt my actions or even if I truly desired to do so. Amidst this internal struggle, one truth remained steadfast: I couldn't bear the thought of releasing her from my grasp, nor witnessing her find solace in the arms of another man, someone who could offer her the love and care that surpassed my own limited capacity.

As I stand here, reflecting on our shared history and the immense pain I have inflicted upon my wife, a jarring epiphany crashes into my consciousness. Why do I persist in engaging in hurtful actions and uttering words that I know will wound her? Could it be that I derive some perverse pleasure from deliberately causing her pain? Is it possible that I find satisfaction in witnessing the anguish that etches itself upon her face each time she uncovers my unfaithfulness, further chipping away at her self-worth?

"Nah... that can't be it," I quickly rejected. With a heavy heart, I ventured into the expanse of our four-bedroom, three-bathroom home, ready to hear her complain about me never spending any time with her.

To my surprise, she was nowhere to be found in the living room, standing by the fireplace with her arms crossed and a brooding expression on her face, as she usually does when she anticipates my arrival. Perplexed, I placed my luggage at the edge of the sofa, releasing a heavy sigh before making my way towards the kitchen to fetch a refreshing beverage from the refrigerator. 

My steps faltered, my heart heavy, as her words pierced the air, "Mom, I'm expecting." Conflicting emotions swirled within me, unsure of how to embrace this news. Our first year of marriage was consumed by the desperate pursuit of conceiving a child, yet our efforts proved futile. And now, amidst our struggles, she reveals her pregnancy.