Say 'Kiss'! • bxb

4. Not the same

Mateo's P.O.V.

"So you like him?" I look up at the sky, suffocated by the grey clouds and silence.

It's probably going to rain today.

"I don't. I was drunk and we were playing a game, I couldn't think clearly and that happened"

I clench my fists, the thoughts and unanswered questions running though my mind, desperately wanting to let them out. How can something like this happen? She's so unbothered about it, that I can't help but feel my heart drop.

"What about the photo?"

"I don't know what happened. Alex was drunk too and she snapped one, but said she didn't share it with anyone. Maybe she did but doesn't remember"

"Sarah for fuck's sake! She definitely did, otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation!"

"What can I do now?" she shrugs and anger takes over me.

"At least pretend to care!" I raise my voice unconsciously, and she flinches but doesn't say anything.

It's clear she doesn't care. It's like all this perfect picture I had of our relationship came crumbling down and left nothing behind. I put my heart and soul into it, just for her to do something like this.

We'll break up, but she's not sad, instead she has this annoying bored expression. As if she can't wait to get it over with and leave so she can kiss Tobias again or I don't fucking know. I'd like to know what she's thinking.

"You always had this different view of us... In these past few months it didn't feel like a relationship" she finally says and I snap.

"I always tried my best. To help you feel comfortable, loved and appreciated...what more could I have done?" I take a deep breath and tap my feet against the ground.

We're sitting down on a bench in front of the dorms but it feels as if I'll pass out in any moment. The whole world is spinning around me, making me feel dizzy like I'll throw up any second now.

"It's not about you. It's about my feelings, Mateo. Even being with you felt like an obligation. I just didn't felt like it anymore"

"That's amazing. That's just amazing. So... If the kiss hadn't happened... When would you have told me about it?"

She shruggs and I can't take it anymore so I grab my backpack and just leave. I don't know what I'm expecting, but she doesn't run after me, doesn't shout, doesn't try to explain herself. She's still there frozen and I'm walking up the stairs to my room.

The frustration and anger I'm feeling are overwhelming, clouding any sadness I might have from the so-called breakup. Sarah doesn't care at all so then why should I? It doesn't seem too ideal for me to be the only one suffering while she's out moving on.

Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of being sad. Not being able to move on while she already has, clearly. Like the relationship never even happened. And if it really did, it wasn't anything that took much of our time, just a passing thing.

I slam the door to my room open and watch Tobias widen his eyes. There's nothing I want to say to him right now, all my energy and will from before is gone. Just like that.

"Fuck" I punch the nightstand next to my bed as hard as I can, Tobias flinching.

There's blood and some murmur coming from him, things I don't want and can't hear right now. All of that time, wasted, knowing she never felt the same as I did. I gave her all my love, as you're supposed to do in a relationship but she just brushed it off like it was nothing.

All my emotions, my good and bad days, were nothing to her. Like a breeze that calmly ruffles your hair on a summer day. You feel it, but don't pay too much importance to it. Meanwhile she was a whole tornado, changing my whole life completely.

That's how much I loved and cared for her.

"You're bleeding" Tobias is speaking more clearly now, and I just scoff.

Dramatically falling on my bed, face first, is the only thing I can do right now. I'm afraid I'll throw a tantrum like a little kid, swinging my arms and legs in the air. Hoping that would get some anger out of me.

I look at him, furrow my eyebrows, and clench my fists. Only then the pain hits me and I flinch unconsciously, catching his attention. He stands up from his bed and takes the first aid kit from the closet, patting the place on the bed next to him.

It already started raining outside, the thunder interrupting our silence and I comply, not having the will to fight with anyone right now. The only thing I want is to sleep.

He cleans my hand, which isn't too wounded, and bandages it. Somewhere along the process my eyes started filling with tears again, and it was difficult to wipe them with only one hand.

Of course, tobias noticed but he didn't said anything, maybe he assumed it was painful and that's why I was crying. But to be honest I don't know the reason myself.

Already, I miss Sarah. The idealized relationship I had with her, that was maybe never real. It's selfish of me to miss something that happened only in my head, but I can't help it. It was the only thing keeping me alive and now it's gone.

I'm back to reality. A reality where Sarah didn't felt the same, where the relationship was an obligation to her.