Say 'Kiss'! • bxb

17. It won't change

Tobias' P.O.V.

"Ma?"

The least thing I expected today was to actually see my parents in front of me as I take a walk around the park nearby the dorms. At first I think I'm hallucinating, maybe because I had a lot to drink last night.

But they're real. And they're looking at me as if they're expecting me to hug them and cry of happiness. Instead we're awkwardly looking at each other, nobody speaking up.

"Oh my... You've grown a lot" my mom says and I laugh, it sounds forced a bit but whatever.

We haven't seen each other since the summer holiday so it hasn't been such a long time. But why are they here, in San Francisco?

We go to a cafe, and sit down, doing the classic 'catching up' like a normal family, with no issues.

It's weird. Even hearing them talk is weird. My father with his southern accent, obnoxiously calm, making me question when he'll finally give in and show his anger issues, like he always does. My mother with the same accent, but a little bit forced since she didn't grow up in the south.

She only says what my father wants to hear, afraid she'll disturb him in one way or another. She never took my side in any of the fights I've had with dad, not even once. Her excuse was that it's more important for a family to be comfortable, and calm, to live a silent and nice life, without any unnecessary drama.

Even if it's unfair. I should just shut my mouth and do whatever they want me to, say what they want to hear, in order to avoid those fights that can destroy this perfect picture others have of us.

"Did you find a girlfriend yet?" she asks, hopeful while I take a sip out of my coffee.

"You already know the answer to that, ma"

"Ah... I thought things changed" she smiles, sadly.

"I'm gay... I'll always be gay. That won't change"

"Well still... You're a clever young man. You should hurry up and find a good girl for you, get settled down. Y'know me and your mother were already married at your age"

It's like they're deaf. Either that or they don't give a shit about what I say at all. Talking to them or to a wall, there's no difference. But I ignore it. I don't know how long they'll stay here, but I can bear it. When will they believe me?

Do I have to get a boyfriend and fuck him in front of them in order for them to believe me? Will they still say I need to find a good girl for myself?

"What about Lina? She's so nice... Well mannered too" mom says and all I can do is cringe.

How can I tell them that Lina is a lesbian? They'll just laugh it off. If they don't believe me, how will they believe a stranger?

"Why are you here?" I change the subject, and it sounds like an accusation, like they did something wrong.

"Just traveling. Your father said we should visit you"

How fucking perfect.

"How long will you stay?" I'm getting impatient, just waiting for this to be over already.

"I think... 5 days or so"

Oh Lord help me. Five days with these people is like a month in hell. I don't know how I'll manage to do it. It's not like I'll be with them all the time either since I have classes.

"We'll look around the city. Don't worry. We won't bother you too much. You just need to study and do your best" my father says, trying to sound supportive.

I look down at my cup of coffee and tap my fingers against the table, my appetite suddenly gone. I feel watched, judged under their stares and I just want to stand up and storm out of here.

"How have you been?" I choke out, trying to get them to talk about something else.

Anything else other than me.

"Oh we've been okay. Grandma got a new hobby of collecting weird antiques. I told her we don't have space for any of that but it's like she never listens!" mom rants and I can't help but be grateful.

That's right. Talk about grandma. Or yourselves. Whenever I ask them how they're doing, they don't hesitate before talking about the whole family. My grandma, which is one stubborn and annoying woman that I've never been able to stand, cousins I've never even met or my uncle who is always drunk out of his mind.

"Billy broke his leg. He's been in the hospital poor him. He almost lost his mind, not being able to drink anything at all" dad grumbles.

"What about water?" I say sarcastically and he furrows his eyebrows.

"Oh come on now. You know how your uncle is..."

"An alcoholic?"

"I wouldn't say that. I would say he has a preference for drinks, that's all"

"Dad, that's what an alcoholic is"

He scratches the back of his head and I raise an eyebrow at him.

They would rather call my uncle anything rather than what he is. I guess it isn't only me that ruins this perfect picture family after all. I finally finish my coffee after what feels like forever, but I don't stand up and instead sigh, looking at mom.

"How has Polly been?" I ask curiously.

Polly was a girl I used to be friends with. We were neighbours and she would sometimes help my father with his farm. She seemed more passionate about riding horses and milking cows than I ever was. So I let her do it while I would sneak out and avoid all the chores my father usually made me do.

"She's been fine. Her mom said she's busy with college and such. Maybe when you come back home for the winter holidays we could all meet up?"

I see her eyes sparkling and I already know what she's thinking. But I know it's useless to repeat the fact that I'm gay over and over again. So I just let it be and just nod, knowing that if I do go back home I'll probably just try catching up with Polly, like two old friends. That is, if she still sees me as a friend.

I finally stand up and clear my throat.

"I need to go back. I still need to study. And I have some assignments I need to take care of so..."

Both of them nod in understanding and I sigh in relief, finally being able to leave. As I make my way out, I wonder what the hell even was that conversation and how did we made it out without any of us shouting.