Say 'Kiss'! • bxb

21. So beautiful, so pretty

Tobias' P.O.V.

I've apologised. Why did it took me so long to do so? Will it really help Mateo in any way after everything that happened? I want to be friends with him but I acted like an asshole too. We were two assholes.

He has calmed down now and is sitting on the floor, his bed sheets full of alcohol still. Greg left a while ago, hugging me before whispering something in my ear.

"Take care of him. Please"

I will. I would've done that anyway even if he hadn't told me to. It's getting late and Mateo looks as if he'll fall asleep any moment now after crying for so long. His eyes are red and his face is swollen while his hair is messy. But messy hair looks good on him. Even while having a mental breakdown he manages to look as if he's on the cover of Vogue.

"Its getting late. Don't you want to go to sleep?" I ask and he suddenly looks at me with that stare again.

That stare that makes me feel small and vulnerable.

"Yeah. I'll go to sleep" he lays down on the floor and closes his eyes, making me confused.

"What are you doing?"

"Sleeping" he says as if it's obvious and I'm the idiot here.

"Come here. You won't sleep on the floor" I pat the place next to me on the bed and he stands up without arguing.

He sits next to me and suddenly the atmosphere turns awkward. I turn off the lights and lay down, but he's still sitting there next to me. Why isn't he laying down? It's stressful.

He finally does and i exhale out of relief. However I turn around, facing the wall while he is facing my back. There is an inexplicable tension that I'm sure only I feel.

"Why arent you facing me?" he asks suddenly, making me shudder.

Why am I not facing him? Why do I avoid it so much? Why do I avoid him but then try to be his friend? Why do I fight him but then apologise? Why do I torture him then feel bad for him? Why am I such a paradox?

I turn around and face him, doing something I've never done in my life. Taking action. And doing what I want to do instead of hiding in my shell where I'm safe and comfortable.

"That's better" he whispers and I blush at the closeness.

Of course, my bed is small and we have to sit close next to each other in order to fit. We are almost all over eachother, but I'm still trying to make myself as small as possible in order to avoid any unnecessary touches.

"Why is it that every time you get drunk we end up in the same bed?" I whisper, almost chuckling, but he's not as amused as me.

"Your freckles" he suddenly cups my face in his hands, brushing his thumb against my cheek with such gentle warmth that I'm afraid I'll melt "They look like stars. Like small constellations. That's beautiful"

He then looks me straight in the eye, his hands still on my face and I lay there quietly. I'm afraid that if I say something it won't be coherent and then he'll know the effect he has on me. But since when was he such a poet? That's not something you say randomly to anyone.

"You're so beautiful. You really are. Sometimes I catch myself looking at you and I just say to myself... wow, he's really pretty. Especially when you just stand there and not think about anything. Or when you sleep. Oh it's like you were sculpted by angels. How come? How come you are so beautiful?" 

Every word he is saying is just making me sink even deeper in this warmth. His hands against my face, his voice echoing through my mind. My heart will burst out of my chest any second now and I'm getting dizzy even though I'm laying down. What is he doing? Is he trying to get me to fall for him as revenge?

"What are you saying?" I laugh nervously but he doesn't change his expression at all.

He just looks determined.

"I dont know what I am saying. I want to be your friend. And you're beautiful. That's all I know"

"I want to be your friend too" I place my hand over his, which is still holding my face gently.

"You apologised" his eyes go to my lips and it makes me flustered, thinking carefully about what to say next.

"Well... yes... I feel like it was my fault too but I was running from the responsibility. Then I realized I don't want to be hated by you... even if you still hate me then that's completely understandable. I was an asshole too. I'm sorry... again"

He finally smiles at me and it's like a rock has been lifted off my chest. His thumb brushes against my cheek again and I'm afraid I'll fall for him. I'm not used to this closeness, friends or not. He's acting like he's in love with me and it's not doing my heart any good.

I lied. I lied to myself. Mateo is attractive. He's tall and well built, and has the face of a model. And he never seems to have a bad hair day no matter how frustrated he gets because of it or how much times he spends trying to comb it in front of his mirror every morning.

And when an attractive guy is in my bed, holding my face in his hands and complimenting my looks, of course it's normal for me to be a bit shy, right? It doesn't mean anything.

"I never hated you to begin with. I was angry because I couldn't hate you. And because I couldn't really complain if you stole Sarah from me since you are so attractive and nice and shit... your personality is like a christmas gift..it just keeps getting better"

What even was that comparison? Drunk Mateo never fails to amaze me.

"Im glad you never hated me. And you don't have to worry about me stealing Sarah from you"

"I know that now" he mumbles and I can see his eyes slowly closing.

Before I can say anything else he is already asleep and I'm left in silence, analysing his features. He really is beautiful. A slight wave of sadness hits me and I try to ignore it. So I close my eyes and fall asleep soon after too.