Say 'Kiss'! • bxb

8. Do you want to talk about it?

Mateo's P.O.V.

After getting a lecture from Greg and almost a beating for being an idiot, I return to my room asking myself all kind of important questions.

Why am I an idiot? If being dumb would hurt how much time would it take for me to be in the hospital? Why did I hit Tobias with that ball? Did I feel good after doing it? Was it worth it? What can I do now?

I stand in front of the door for a few minutes, trying to understand exactly the point where things have started going downhill for me. Nothing seems to be going good lately. And Greg has the audacity to invite me to his birthday party, when everything's a mess.

But like the desperate idiot I am, I'm probably going to cry, then drink until I blackout, then wake up and cry again. It sounds like a perfect friday night. But it's Sunday. Tomorrow, we have classes, which I will probably miss.

I open the door finally and go into the room, like a hurricane, ready to get into a fight again. But Tobias is already sleeping, or pretending to. He's really beautiful like that, with a relaxed expression, not opening his mouth to annoy the hell out of me.

With his annoying wavy auburn hair that always looks perfect even though he doesn't care enough to style it. And his blue eyes that are so light they're almost gray. Or his freckles that decorate his face, making him look absolutely adorable.

So, I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. But instead I'm looking at him, my anger fading away slowly as I realize that he really is attractive, and Sarah, as much as I hate to say it, has taste. I lost her to him, but he's not a bad guy.

At least he wasn't until this whole thing started. Cheating on someone isn't nice, the fuck, but I can kind of see why someone would want to kiss him. I'm going crazy.

My mind is spiralling, my thoughts running around like little roaches, infecting me with sadness. My chest starts to hurt a bit and I put my hand there, hoping this feeling of emptiness will go away soon.

Time has passed, so why am I not moving on? Why am I still stuck in the past? Moments with Sarah are flashing in front of my eyes and all I can do is hurt.

It's like I'm the slave of the past, being stuck in it no matter how much I try to see the future. My future is blank. Is it Sarah's fault or has it always been that way? Did I fail to see it?

I turn around in bed, my eyes filling with tears again. It's a different kind of pain. I'm disappointed in myself for what I did today, and can't help but want to run away from myself as far as I could. But I can't. I'm stuck here, with myself.

Why is everything so painful now? I'm always angry, and if I'm not angry, I'm sad. I don't know when was the last time I actually had fun. I sigh and rub my face with my hands.

Why is everything so much more emotional at night?

I stand up and go to the bathroom to take a better look at myself in the mirror and fight the urge to bang my head against it. I don't know how much time passes, but at some point I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn around immediately, ready to punch whoever is behind me.

Tobias looks at me, scared.

"Are you okay?" he asks, in a whisper.

I look around confused. For how long have I been here?

"I'm...fine?" it sounds more like a question, not an asnwer.

"You don't seem fine. Are you sick or something?"

His words are slowly fading out and before I realize tears are falling down my cheeks, but I don't even bother to wipe them away. Tobias' eyes fill with surprise and worry and he immediately rushes to hug me.

He's hugging me. After I hit him with that ball today. After I've been accusing him for so long. I can't bring myself to say anything, but cry pathetically in his arms. I want to wipe myself from the face of the earth and can't help but want to curse for allowing myself to be so emotional.

After some time I finally calm down and we both sit down on the bathroom's floor, not saying a word. My head is leaning against the wall and my face is probably puffy from so much crying. Tobias is the first to break the silence.

"Do you miss her?" he looks right into my eyes with a sad look, making the question more meaningful, more intimate.

"A lot" I can't lie. Not after everything that happened.

"Do you...want to talk about it? I know I'm probably the last person you want to talk to but... I'm here so..." he shrugs and something takes over me.

It's the wish to tell him. And it scares me. I'm supposed to hate him, but here I am actually considering telling him what is bothering me. How should I even start?

"It's just... I feel as if I could've done some things differently... it's like I messed it up completely... I didn't want this to happen" I say the last part in a whisper, hugging my knees and trying to stop myself from crying again.

"That's breakup. It'll be easier after a while" Tobias smiles, a genuine smile that sends a warmth through my body, one that I've never felt before.

It's hope.

"Can we please... not talk about this night? Like ever again? I want to forget"

That last sentence really describes everything I'm feeling. Or what I'd rather not feel. Tobias just looks at me and nods.

I feel a bit of relief and can't help but tell him something in a whisper.

"Thank you"