The bad boy and the Lolita

30

TW! Panic attack

It was summer at last, which meant I could sleep in a couple hours, if my nightmares would allow it. Technically I have sleeping pills, but I don't take them, only because they make me so nauseous that I can't fell asleep. Yes, I've talked to my doctor about it, they said it was fine to discontinue it. But there are times like tonight where I wish they would work on me, since a bought of nightmares hit early in the night, making me wake up in a gasp and cold sweat. 

"Mom! AHHH!" 

"Y/n, what's happening?"

"It'll be okay-"

"Bubbas... I can't see!" I looked down to her mangled body. This was worse than I remembered. No, this isn't right. I tried to get up, but I was stuck in place. What was happening? 

I looked to the side to see my mothers mangled corpse staring at me. With a croak, it spoke. 

"Take care of your sister... I love you both." The light faded from her eyes, and I screamed again. Blood pooled around us, as my sister cried. 

"It's so dark! I can't feel my face!" I looked down, and wanted to vomit. Her face was melting, like someone had poured acid on it. No, not acid. I realized this in horror as I looked around at the scene. We crashed into a gas truck. 

And the collision ignited the fuel. 

I cried violently as I felt the weight on my back get heavier, a burning sensation taking over my body. As the flames licked down my arms, the gas on my poor sister's face ignited, burning off the flesh and-

I woke up with a yelp, gasping for air. It was just a dream. Just a dream and nothing more. My sister is fine. the only injuries were to her eyes. He doesn't know all of what went on that day. She was so young when it happened. She didn't see what I saw. She only heard it. 

And sounds are a lot easier to forget when you don't have something to put them to. (Actual thing, look it up)

I just sat there, in my own sweat, tears brimming my eyes. I felt so many things, but mostly fear. Panic set in as my lungs seemed to no longer be able to breathe, and my vision clouded. I cried. harder than I had in a long time. I cried for my mother. What my father did to provide for us, working himself so hard. I cried for my sister. And most of all, I cried for myself. 

I had kept this all to myself for so long. It was only recently that I was able to tell people about what I went through. Even then, it was still hard. 

Missy came into my room, and jumped on my bed as I was crying my heart out. I took some deep breaths, trying to calm down, but I couldn't. As soon as it was n me, another sob expelled it. 

I don't know how long I just sat there, sobbing, but when I finally calmed down, it was the middle of the night. I sighed, and got up, going to the kitchen for some water. To my surprise, the light was on, and my dad was in the kitchen, making hot chocolate with my sister. "What's going on?" My voice was hoarse. 

"I could ask you the same thing." He replied. 

"We heard you. You were crying for at least an hour." Luna said. She motioned for me to sit down in the empty chair next to her, and I sighed. I ran a hand through my hair as I sat there, and was passed a cup of hot chocolate. "Bubs... Do you want to talk about it?" I chuckled.

"It's been a while since you called me 'bubs.'" I said with a light smile on my lips. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"Shouldn't you?" We sat there in silence for a minute, and I took a sip of my drink. 

"Y/n, we're worried about you. You keep waking up with these nightmares. It's not good for you to stay up all night."

"I know, I know. I just- I can't fall back asleep after them." My father sighed. 

"Maybe... maybe we should start you on a new sleep medication?" I groaned. 

"But the last one-"

"I know, but you need sleep. We're going to the doctor about this next week, and that's final. You need some proper sleep, and if we have to put you on some meds, so be it." He said. The tone in his voice left no room for argument, but argue I did anyways. 

"I'm fine! I don't need any dumb medications!"

"Why?"

"Because I don't need them." I wasn't so sure of myself though.

"Why?"

"Because I'm fine?"

"Why?" Luna pressed again.

"Because I'm scared!" I finally got out. "I'm scared okay? I don't want to be seen as weak, or like I'm a failure. What will mitsukuni think? What will he say? What will my friends say when they find out I have to be on god knows how many pills-"

"They'll think your strong." My father said, reaching his hand out for mine. I flinched, the nightmare still fresh on my mind, but he didn't pull back. He squeezed it a bit, reassuring me a little. "If they're really your friends, and they really care about you, they won't say a thing about it being bad. You said one of them is the heir to the ooctori group, right?" I nod. "Then I'm sure he knows all about the importance of proper medications, diagnosis, and support. And what they don't know, he can help them understand. And as for your boyfriend, he'll love you anyways. You say you told him about what happened that day? He's still by your side, isn't he?" I nod again. "I get being scared, your mother was too." I looked up from my cup.

"Mom was scared?"

"Your mom had clinical depression. She wanted to die a lot, but always persevered. She was scared to go on the meds, but she did it anyways. For you, and you." He said, grabbing Luna's hand too. "There's nothing wrong with needing something to lean on. There's nothing wrong with reaching out for help. I feel you might have been struggling with depression for years now, and I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. Even if you don't have the same bits as your mother when it comes to it, I think we just never cared enough to find out."

"But what about when I was in the hospital? After it?"

"We didn't have enough to get you tested. Now that we do, we ended up forgetting. I think it's time we take you to a specialist." 

A week later, I was given some better sleeping pills, and anti-depressants, to both help with the PTSD, and mild depression, which they say might be clinical, they just aren't sure yet. But within a couple weeks, I did notice I was both sleeping and feeling better. 

Maybe being medicated isn't so bad after all.