❝ I knew, from that moment on,
that nobody could ever confess,
they love me, without the splintered thought of you
running through my mind.
Consciously or not, my soul will always be tangled
with you. ❝
Aurora Matthews, the daughter of Jeanine Matt...
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We are back at Four's room. I am inside as I finish tidying up my hair. I'm not used to having my hair down. But I keep it like that. I calmed down from my outburst earlier and think back to Four's simulation. Four is outside leaning against the railing of the balcony. I don't know whether I should leave him or see how he is. I'm sure he's also thinking about it.
But my curiosity rises as I open the door to outside.
He looks tensed up. I think he's still thinking about earlier.
I slowly walk towards him and lean against the railing.
"Four? Four fears?" I asked looking at him.
He looks back to me, "Four then, four now."
"I keep going in there, but...I don't think you ever lose them."
"Or maybe you don't want to let go of them as it reminds you that you are human... I mean you did say everyone is afraid of something." I clenched my jaw. Now is not the time to act smart.
"Yeah, you could be right in saying that." He nods as he looks out to the setting sun.
"You were going to tell me about your aptitude test results," I say.
"Ah." He scratches the back of his neck with his free hand. "Does it matter?"
"Yes. I want to know."
"How demanding you are." He smiles.
"These are things I don't tell people; you know. Not even my friends," he says.
"You've friends?" I pretended to be shocked, he rolled his eyes at my comment.
"My result was as expected," he says. "Abnegation."
"Oh." Something inside me deflates. I am wrong about him.
But—I had assumed that if he was not Divergent, he must have gotten a Dauntless result. And technically, I got an Erudite result—according to the system. Did the same thing happen to him? And if that's true, why isn't he telling me the truth?
"But you chose Dauntless anyway?" I ask.
"Out of necessity."
"Why did you have to leave?"
His eyes dart away from mine, across the space in front of him, as if searching the air for an answer. He doesn't need to give one. I still feel the ghost of a stinging belt on my wrist.
"You had to get away from your dad," I say. "Is that why you don't want to be a Dauntless leader? Because if you were, you might have to see him again?"
He lifts a shoulder. "That, and I've always felt that I don't quite belong among the Dauntless. Not the way they are now, anyway."
"But you're...incredible," I say. I pause and clear my throat. "I mean, by Dauntless standards. Four fears are unheard of. How could you not belong here?"
He shrugs. He doesn't seem to care about his talent, or his status among the Dauntless, and that is what I would expect from the Abnegation. I am not sure what to make of that.
I debated in my head whether I should bring up about the paper my mum released about his father's abuse allegations but I figured it wasn't appropriate. I stood there in silence not knowing what to say and so I stared out to the sunset as well.
I couldn't help but look back though, and see a slight part of his tattoo from the back of his neck, covered by his shirt.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." He grins back at me.
"What's your tattoo?" I motioned my head to his back.
As he continues to break the contact on and off her finally replies, "You want to see it?"
I reluctantly nodded my head.
He stands fully up now and turns away from me, raising his hands above his head, he pulled his shirt off, revealing a toned back, the area completely covered in black ink.
I was stunned from the sight of the tattoo. It was more detailed than I had imagined. I slowly walked forwards and reached a hand to touch his shoulder blade.
"You tattoo is amazing."
I noticed that Four sharply breathed in as I leaned my hand against his back. His head slightly turned to see me fascinated by the detail.
I slid my hand further down as I see all the faction drawings running down his spine.
"The factions?" I furrowed my eyebrows. I reached to the bottom of his lower back.
"Why do you have all of them?"
"I don't want to be just one thing. I can't be." I can see the side of his face looking at me as he says that.
"I want to be brave and I want to be selfless, intelligent and honest and kind." He says as he turns his body slowly in front of me.
The distance between us was narrow as he looked more deeply into my eyes.
"Although I'm still working on, 'kind," He smiles to himself.
In that moment, even after yesterday, and today I felt the shift between us. I no longer could see him as someone who I couldn't tolerate, out of anything, I felt a deep longing of care for him. As though, I couldn't bare see him on his own. And despite my brain internally yelling at me to walk away before I regret anything, my heart is telling me to stay, to stay with him, in this moment. I think this is the first time that I may listen to my heart, maybe even my last, but it felt right. And it felt comfortable.
For a second his dark eyes are on mine, and he's quiet. Then he quickly touches my face and leans in close, brushing my lips with his. He grins and presses his mouth to mine. I return the kiss and rest my hands on his shoulders, his hands move from my jaw towards my waist.
I felt like I was tensing up but allowed myself to relax. He takes leading of the kiss, firmer this time, more certain. I wrap an arm around him, sliding my hand up his neck and into his short hair. For a few minutes we kiss, deep.
I was never this close to someone, never so intimate. I didn't know what to do, when to stop, when to start, or even when to deepen the kiss as an expression of my feelings but in some way, I felt like he was doing it for me.
I move my hand against his jaw before brushing my thumb against his lips as I pull away. Not enough however, as his head leaned against mine.
