Teach me how to love

15

Tristan Gabriel Salvador

As I open my eyes, she was by my side. I smiled. Her beautiful face was resting in my chest. She was like a fragile baby.

Hindi ko alam kung paano...paano ko naramdaman yung ganto kay Ashley.

Hindi ko maexplain kung bakit...

I already love my wife.

As I adore her, she woke up. Agad akong naalerto at dahan dahang tumayo. "Good morning, let's go" bati ko sakanya.

"I will wait for you downstairs" sabi ko at pumasok na sa cr para maligo.

Kahit naliligo ay naiisip ko padin ang nararamdaman ko. I even searched online about what Love is.

What is love?

Love
- a quality or feeling of strong or constant affection for and dedication to another.

and it didn't give me any concrete explanation just like how I'm feeling right now.

"I will drop you off" sabi ko sakanya and she nodded. Halata na naguguluhan pero pumayag din. Sinadya kong gawin yon dahil naguguluhan din ako.

She doesn't love me kaya hindi rin naman marereciprocate ang pagmamahal ko. And I know even if she doesn't love me...I will continue to love her.

Not because she's my wife but because She's now the person owning my heart.

Sa sobrang pagiwas ko sakanya para hindi siya maging uncomfortable ay nagpapalit na ako ng shift. I did not take her classes anymore. I made sure na ang papalit sakin ay mabait at maayos.

To: wife
I will pick you up in the drop off area.

From: wife
k

Katulad ng sinabi ko ay nakita ko siyang nakatayo sa drop off area. Her lips were stopping the smile but her eyes are saying different things.

Tahimik kami hanggang sa makarating sa fast food chain. I decided to get take out para makakain na kami agad.

"Thanks" sabi niya ng iaabot ko ang pagkain.

"So...you're not our professor anymore?"Tanong niya.

"Yeah"

Silence again. We were both silent when we arrived in our house.

She went straight to the kitchen but I went upstairs para magbihis na. Sakto namang pagbaba ko ay tapos na siyang kumain. She looked at me before going up.

Ihinatid ko ulit siya at katulad kahapon I just dropped her off. There were no emotions coming from her.

From: wife
I'll go home first

To: wife
I will go with you.

From: wife
hindi na

But I went to her classroom and I saw her fixing her things. Inintay ko nalang siyang lumabas sa room para umuwi na kami.

Katulad ng nakaraang araw tahimik lang kami. Kahit ngayon na nakahiga ay tahimik lang. Hindi ko mamamalayan na nakatulog na ako.

It was friday and I already expected na baka magtext yung parents namin to visit us. I know they're just worried about us.

From: Mom
We will go there later. Pls Ask Ashley kung anong gusto niya na food?

From: Mommy
What food do you want to eat, nak?

"What do you want to eat?" Tanong ko dahil katabi ko lang din su Ashley "pupunta daw sila".

"Kahit ano" she said and went to the closet.

We welcomed our parents na maraming dalang pagkain. They also checked if everything was alright. Just like what I'm expecting they asked...

"When do you plan to have a baby?"

"Oo nga kailan kaya tayo magkakaron ng apo!!"

"Little Ashley or Little Tristan"

"Our apo will be the cutest"

I was not taken aback with the question pero sadyang ayaw ko iyon sagutin. Lalo na with how I'm falling and Ashley was not.

"We don't even love each other" I laughed na parang hindi ako nasasaktan sa sinasabi ko. It was like a reality check.

"Let's be patient shall we" I said as I look at them. Not including her dahil alam ko that she's uncomfortable with this question.

"How was the school? Kamusta naman ang pagiging teacher mo?"

"It's ok, Mom" sagot ko.

They talked about other stuffs but I'm focusing my attention on her. Wala siyang reaction dahil parang hindi naman siya nakikinig sa nangyayari.

"Ashley" I called and she was not responding nakatitig lang ito sa kawalan.

"We have to sleep...We will see you guys soon." Nauna na akong magsabi dahil pagod na yata si Ashley. Pagtayo namin ay agad ding tumayo si Ashley para magpaalam.

"Are you ok?" I asked and she nodded.

"I'll sleep first" pagpapaalam niya at nauna na umakyat.

I'm not comfortable with this...kaya alam ko na siya din. We're not kids anymore so I decided that I have to let this out. Kailangan niya malaman ang totoong nararamdaman.

She has to know that I love her.