The Fall of the Fainthearts

Track Ten: She's Back

Romeo North (tour manager): Obviously going into touring with London Revival I was briefed about Axel's colourful history and his trip to rehab. I knew the boy was going to struggle, I'd been on a lot of tours in my day and I hadn't experienced a single sober one. I still didn't quite expect what I got from him.

Dahlia: Axel barely spoke for days. He sat in the corner, stared out the window, went for a nap every time someone cracked open a beer.

Vince: I thought he just missed Florence and was being a soppy fucker. We left him alone for a while but he'd go out on stage and a switch would flip - suddenly Axel was back. He'd perform like his life depended on it. Then, the second he'd walk off stage, his whole demeanour would just drop again.

Bentley: After the third show, I confronted him. Someone needed to for the morale of the whole group. I stopped him in his tracks just beside the stage as he was about to storm off to the dressing room.

Romeo North: Bentley was just trying to do what was right for the whole group. He had balls, I'll give him that.

Bentley: I told him that if it was the drugs or the booze we'd lay off it for a while, but it didn't give him a free pass to be an asshole to anyone who wanted to do that for the rest of his life. Man, looking back, that was harsh. He hadn't been sober long.

Axel: The anger I felt boiling away inside me felt like fire. It took every ounce of my self control to not clock Bentley straight in the face. He's lucky he didn't leave that arena with a broken nose.

Vince: Axel squared his shoulders and got in Bentley's face. I was standing there wondering whether I was going to have to get in between them and the crowd were calling for an encore behind us. It was such a surreal moment.

Bentley: He got right up in my face and hissed at me through gritted teeth. "Figgy's looking for me." He didn't have to say anything else and he knew he didn't, so he grabbed a guitar and went back out onto the stage.

Axel: Performing was my escape. All I had to think about when those lights were blaring in my face and the crowd was shouting the lyrics to my music back at me, was exactly that. I didn't have to think about anything else.

When I wasn't performing, I could write. That was my other escape. But when I wasn't inspired or didn't like anything I was writing, that's when I turned into a right grumpy asshole.

I didn't have anything to dull the feelings. I couldn't just pop a pill and disassociate from my life. I had to live with the thoughts spinning around my head about what Figgy wanted. I knew that just seeing her face again would bring back so many memories that I wasn't ready to face. I didn't want to have to deal with the temptation that I'd worked so hard to get under control.

Dahlia: It was the strangest encore we'd ever do. We all just kind of exchanged glances and silently and wondered the same things. Was she actively looking for him? Because all of our tour dates were public, so she'd find him pretty easily. What did she want? How would she react when she found out about Flo?

Vince: None of us really knew if we had anything to be worried about, or if we had everything to worry about. I'd think to myself, she's just a girl with a drug problem, how bad could she be? And then I'd remember.

Dahlia: The girl was psycho. We'd spent so many nights listening to her episodes, trying to sleep with a pillow over our heads. One night we heard this huge crash, Bentley came running down with a baseball bat thinking somebody had broken in.

It was just Figgy. She'd thrown a glass vase at Axel's head and barely missed. It shattered everywhere. And it wasn't the first time she'd been physically abusive, either. It wasn't a shock to any of us, put it that way.

Bentley: They were arguing, both completely off their faces. Figgy was sobbing over nothing, because Axel was barely conscious. It was three in the morning and I could feel rage in every tension in my body.

I saw red and I kicked her out. Looking back now it probably wasn't the right thing to do, but I'd had enough, and she survived just fine. Vince helped me put Axel to bed and the next morning he flew at me for sending her outside. I made him clean up the glass from the kitchen floor and told him she wasn't welcome back.

Axel: As soon as the encore was over, I left and called a cab. I went straight back to the hotel, alone. I didn't want to speak about it because I didn't have any answers. All I knew was that if Figgy really had wanted to find me, she could've very easily found our tour dates and knew exactly where I was at any moment for the next month.

I just wanted to run away. If I kept running, she could never catch up with me. I'd never have to face her, or that part of my life ever again. But running away meant giving up everything I'd worked so hard for. It meant leaving Flo behind.

After a few days, I came to my senses and told myself I needed to get a grip. I couldn't be miserable forever, and this was our first tour. It was supposed to be such a happy time. So, I picked myself up, made the band breakfast and forced on a smile.

Dahlia: Axel smiling when he was supposed to be having a tantrum? Creepy. But this time we were glad to see he was feeling better. It was the morale boost we all needed, especially since the homesickness was starting to kick in. He could always make eggs exactly like my mum used to make.

Axel: I didn't know it then, but that night, Figgy would be in the front row. She'd be watching me, from just an arms length, singing along to every single word of every single song. She would be wearing the t-shirt with the massive head. Eighty miles from home.

And she'd be smiling right up at me.