The Fall of the Fainthearts

Chapter Twenty-Seven: No One Will Believe You

Axel: Figgy tried to kill me. Or Flo. Either way, I think she would've been satisfied. At the very least, she tried to make me relapse. I guess in her head it would've been some sick, twisted way of getting me to realise that I wanted her all along. Instead, she'd killed Jade Cash. I knew she did. But how the fuck was I going to prove that?

And it wasn't just a matter of proving my theory was right. I was scared. Figgy was losing her head and it was a matter of time before she came up with a new way of getting what she wanted. I felt like I had a bounty on my head, and I was either going to go to jail for supposedly killing Jade, or Figgy was going to get to me before they did. Everybody wanted me to fall.

Without sufficient evidence, they couldn't arrest me. But I was on thin ice and I couldn't lash out like that again or not even the bail money would be able to help me. I needed to cooperate. I needed to prove that I was right. Figgy killed Jade Cash.

Producer: I'm sure you're aware of the thoughts and theories surrounding your involvement with Jade's death. Would you be able to tell us a bit more about it?

Figgy: Hah. Of course. That all started because Axel was desperately trying to cover his ass. The police had him as their prime suspect, and how could he pretend that he was surprised? They found the exact same drug that he overdosed on in Jade's system the night she died. Does that not raise alarm bells with anyone else?

They aren't stupid, and obviously it was totally conceivable that someone else just happened to have access to the same drug, but it was just a little bit too much of a coincidence. He was a recovering addict it just made sense. He was an easy pick. So much stress was going on in his life at the time. They didn't have a lead, so he was their best bet. And he knew he had to wriggle himself out of it, so he chose to blame me.

And, why was he so defensive, you might ask? Well, isn't it obvious? He had relapsed. They were his drugs. I'm not suggesting he killed her, but I am suggesting that it was his fault. It was manslaughter at the very least. However they ended up in Jade's system is another story, but the fact they were his? Axel was guilty and he knew it.

He needed a way out. The stress of being a new dad in a new marriage and his whole world turning upside down had finally gotten to him and he'd fallen back to his old coping mechanisms. I was the only one he could fall back on. Crazy, psycho Figgy who never quite got over her drug problem. It's always me. It's always been me. Because I'm too perfect - I fit into the stories far too well. And he'll use me forever to get what he wants.

Florence: When Axel told me what he thought had happened... I'm not ashamed to say I was terrified. Look, I'm not saying that I didn't push back and tell him that he was being ridiculous, but I did know that this girl was dangerous. Turns out, she was dangerous in many more ways than we could've ever imagined. I should've been scared for my life far earlier than I was.

Axel: ... you know what? I told myself I'd tell nothing but the truth when I agreed to do this. I'm not being fair. I lied.

I did relapse. The night after I announced that we were having a baby. Everyone was celebrating, drinking and getting high and I just sat there in the corner watching them. I was so, so anxious. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.

It was all right there, just within reach on the tour bus table. They were all too out of it already to realise. I knew I'd get away with it. I knew it'd take everything away, just for a little while. It was the closest I'd ever been to it since I overdosed. I thought enough time had passed, that I'd be strong enough to resist it but I just couldn't. I popped a few pills and washed them down with whiskey, took myself to bed and slipped away from the world.

I'm not proud of it. I'll never forgive myself. That one moment of weakness ruined everything I'd done for myself. It made the suffering meaningless. The guilt that weighed on my chest the moment I swallowed those pills made me feel shallow. How could I ever tell Flo I'd let her down like that? And it wasn't just Flo, anymore. I'd let more than just my wife down.

This is something that I've never told anyone, because no one knows I relapsed. I did come clean to the cops. I lied awake one night with a million voices going through my head and I knew that I wouldn't be able to rest until my conscience was clear. I slid out of bed and, thank God, Flo didn't wake up at the noise. I needed to be by myself.

I drove down to the station and they took my statement. I confessed my mistake. I told them everything. That I was scared of Figgy, and what I knew she was capable of. I told them about the non-alcoholic punch that Jade had put together so that me and Flo felt included at the party, that Bentley mentioned he saw Figgy by the bar with Jade when she had supposedly already left, that if Jade had just been drinking the punch then her autopsy would've been correct.

I blurted out everything, regardless of how it made me look. For the first time since the whole investigation, I felt light. I'd been honest.

It'll come as no surprise that they made me do a drugs test, but it came back clean. I genuinely hadn't touched a thing since that night, and that was the truth, this time. It wasn't that I wasn't tempted, because let me tell you, I'd never wanted it more - but the guilt was eating me alive and I knew that it would just make it worse. I went through it once, I could go through it again. For Flo, and for my daughter.

The next few days were intense. Bentley was brought in for questioning not only about him witnessing Figgy return to the bar after reportedly already leaving, but also about my whereabouts too. I had to answer countless questions, relive that night over and over again until my head throbbed.

Bringing Figgy into the picture hadn't put me in the clear as I'd hoped; it'd forced us into battling it out for a place as subject number two, instead of number one.