The Fall of the Fainthearts

Track Eleven: Did You Miss Me?

Figgy: I came to all of his shows. This was just the first one where he'd noticed I was there. I was hoping it'd be a happy moment, that we'd reunite after missing each other for so long. But that's not what I was met with.

The look of horror on his face... it shattered me. It was like my smile sickened him. He stopped singing. Everyone around me in the standing area stared at me, wondering what I'd done. He looked as though he was staring in the face of his greatest fear. I was enveloped in sadness.

I'd spent the past few months missing him. I knew that it wasn't our time, but I could watch him from afar. He was so good at what he did - I admired him, although it hurts me to admit that now. I thought that when the moment was right and enough time had passed, I would surprise him and everything would be okay again.

It was how it was meant to be. He was my soulmate. I felt empty without him by my side. Surely, he would feel the same way too. A sick, twisted little delusion I told myself for far too long. Because why would he ever care for me enough when he'd left me so coldly in the first place? Silly little girl. I thought too much of him.

Bentley: Axel just stopped singing. At first, none of us knew what was going on, we just picked up the backing vocals and Dahlia sang his part. Then I saw her. All I could think was, "Oh shit."

Dahlia: I knew that if she was that determined to see him, she'd find him. We still didn't know what she wanted, though. For all we know, she could've sorted her life out like Axel did. But he was terrified that he was too fragile to see her again this quickly.

Bentley: He turned, took a sip of some water from his bottle and played it off like he had to clear his throat. And then the frontman we knew was tucked away inside took back over him. Like Jekyll and Hyde, except the beast was the one we wanted to see.

Figgy: When the concert was over, I couldn't just leave. I needed closure. So... I snuck out back. It was pretty easy to slip around back in those days. If anything I think the guards were trained to turn a blind eye to groupies, so it worked in my favour.

I just waited until the coast was clear and I followed one of them through a side door that he just happened to forget to lock behind him. Again, groupie culture. It took me a while to get my bearings but I found their dressing room.

I didn't let myself in, that would've been way too much. After seeing how scared he looked to see me, the last thing I wanted to do was to put him off. I was just hoping that it wasn't true. I needed him to be pleased to see me.

Axel: She was completely off her rocker. I mean, we came off stage and she was waiting outside our dressing room! How she got there I have no idea, but she was there and she just had this pained grin on her face like she was forcing it out. Fear was swimming around inside me and I felt pathetic for it. Why was I so afraid of this girl?

Figgy: The first words he said to me were, "What the fuck are you doing here?" Not exactly the fairytale I'd hoped for.

Axel: She was crazy if she thought she was going to get any other response. She'd stalked me halfway up the country and managed to get herself backstage where we were supposed to be safe. That arena had a lawsuit coming.

Figgy: I was heartbroken. I told him I was here to see him, that I thought we could be friends again. That I missed him.

Axel: Then the floodgates opened. Man, she knew exactly how to manipulate me into being the asshole. She always had.

Dahlia: She told us she had no hotel, that she'd run out of money trying to find us. Tonight was apparently her last hope, she had just enough for a taxi back to the train station and she was going to hop on a train and hope they didn't check her ticket.

Figgy: I'd spent every last penny trying to have this romantic moment with the man I thought I was destined to spend the rest of my life with. I thought that maybe I could make him realise that we just needed some time apart and that we would make it work.

We always did have something special, him and I. I tried to move on, believe me, but no one made me feel the way he did. He was my everything, and I just felt so desperate for him to feel the same. I had too much hope left.

Axel: What was I supposed to do? Kick her out on the streets? Hope she found her way home?

Vince: Trust me, none of us wanted her on the bus.

Bentley: I would've just kicked her out again, but it wasn't my call, unfortunately.

Axel: I'd just have to be stronger than I thought I was. I could look at her separate to me. She was just a young girl who made a dumb decision and we only had a couple of shows left to do before we headed back down. I was hoping she'd hitch a lift by then.

Dahlia: I told her she could have my bunk for the first night, it was the one furthest from Axel's. I figured he'd want his space from her. I tried sleeping on the sofa but I just couldn't get to sleep. Vince heard me stirring and let me hop in with him.

It wasn't like that! We top and tailed! Get your mind out of the gutters.

Vince: ...I was hoping for a little spoon, maybe. But, hey, nothing happened. It was just while Figgy was staying.

Dahlia: Did Vince tell you it was any more than that? He better not have. I'll have his head on a stake.

Axel: That night I got no sleep. I just stared at the roof of my bunk with my head swirling. I wanted to take something so badly. I don't think I ever had such an urge to relapse since my stint in rehab. It felt that way, anyway. I just wanted it to all go away for a while.

I knew I'd find it if I looked hard enough. My palms were slick with sweat, my heart was racing in anticipation. But I couldn't give her the satisfaction of doing that to me. I couldn't let her be the reason I ruined my life. I couldn't let her win.

That girl was everything I wanted to forget personified. She was a wreck, and she was obsessed with me. I wondered whether I really would ever escape her. Or whether that song was just going to be a constant reminder that she was never really that far.