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Kavari Keen Floyd Jr. POV:
And It's awkward.
Who the hell knew Christmas dinner could be so suffocating? Shit, I did. Usually me and my dad would visit my grandma, since it was just the two of us. I guess it's gonna be different now with Lily and Jay now.
Awkward. It's constantly awkward in this house I expected him to say 'I love you' back, but I never got that. Instead I got silence, and a confused face that said more than actual words. That said less than I love you.
Hold on.
The hell is wrong with me? I'm a ball player, I should be fucking bitches and getting money.
Yet I'm hung up on a nigga that's supposed to be my stepbrother? I'm not gon lie, I did feel dirty kissing and feeling on Jay before. That's only because I hated him at first. I don't fuck with change, so when I found out my dad was remarrying, I was... not with it. Even when they moved in I was messed up about it. You can't just drop one wife and get with another. Technically my mom died, but how can you move on that quick? They were in love, had a whole ass kid together too. She died years ago and I know she cheated and shit but— Ion even know. I got too much on my mind. I'm steady tryna fix shit that happened years ago.
"Junior." I look up to see everyone standing up, holding hands. "Stand up boy, we saying grace." My dad is the only person I'd let call me boy. My dad has a bad habit of putting me in my place. I actually hate when he calls me that, but it's true. I'm just a boy. I could've been a man, but I bitched out.
...
Bitched out?
I need to get back in the gym.
I stand up placing my right hand in Jaylen's, my left in my dad's. He gives my hand a squeeze, I glance at him before closing my eyes and bowing my head.
This is an ironic ass situation. I gotta choose sooner or later. I don't want to. Clearly I need to.
"Lord we thank you for-" He starts, but I don't listen. Let's be honest, saying prayer in front of your family is like sitting at a table, awkwardly, while people sing you happy birthday.
Awkward.
I usually blank out during prayer. I try to think about everything other than the things that would send my black ass to hell. I can't be the only one who's mind pops up to sex and back shots when they tryna pray. I don't even know why that shit happens. That's the damn devil. "Amen." The prayer over already? Okay, let's see what this macaroni n cheese hitting for. My dad told me Lily made most of the food. Hopefully she ain't mess it up.
