ways of slowly dying ~ poetry

pain-flavored icecream

there's nothing sadder than the cries of a child

who's been lied to about the reason for his tears.

there's a lot better than my desire to write

arising out of the need to shut out the noise.

it's not that i think i deserve the pain.

the pain itself arises from thinking

that i don't deserve the love i'm getting

and i know, it's a stupid, entitled pain

and that adds to the pain.

*

i want to spill this strawberry icecream

on this vinodkumar shukla novel i'm reading

where every if is as certain as a when

so that i can apologize to the one

who gave me this novel, because i've started

so many conversations with an apology

because even though i've been told i say sorry a lot

i've also been told that i mean it every time.

but, sorry, i didn't spill it, i am too careful.

can i take this as a sign that it's true when shukla writes:

"a sudden joy can make you forget a well-thought-out pain?

~ ajay

18/5/2023