What we've always been.

14. Itty Bitty Plane Ride

CHAPTER SONG: Call You Mine- The Chainsmokers ft Bebe Rexha

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Alec

The car stops and I step out with my heart beating like a crack heads drum. I've seen the airport before a few times, everytime I was only there to see someone off...usually Corey. We would talk a bit and exchange some goodbyes before he disappeared behind one of the gates and I would only see him again weeks later.

But today I have my entire family here to see me off instead. My dad was hard to convince, two weeks of begging and pleading and explaining to him that I was doing this for Corey more than me. At the time it was true, the whole trip was more of a favour. But now that I'm walking through the busy airport imagining where we're going...I realise I want to go.

I want to experience a plane ride for the first time and see the world from amung the clouds. Corey and his mom stand up when they see us.

"Hope you had a light breakfast." He says as we hug. "The last thing I need is you blowing chunks all over me as we're flying over the sea."

"Funny, but in order to do that I would need to eat first. Which I can safely tell you I did not." I smile at him and he smiles back.

Ever since the dinner where I agreed to go on this insane trip something about Corey has changed for me. I think about him more than I should and I find myself longing to have him look at me the way he is now. He's standing inches away from me like he's done a thousand times yet the feelings that our proximity envokes are foreign.

"So you're sure you still want to do this?" My dad asks.

I roll my eyes and groan at him.

"Come on dad, it'll be fine." I tell him.

He sighs and hands Cameron over to me. My baby brother laughs and claps his hands like crazy at the sight of me. His been doing that a lot lately, it still fills me with joy to see it though. I give him some kisses on his neck and tickle his stomach before giving him back to dad. Kat looks at me and I can see tears behind her eyes.

"Try not to miss me too much." I tease.

She smiles weakly.

"You'll be gone two weeks, I don't know why everyone's making such a big deal out of it." She says.

Dispute my sisters best efforts I can still see the same amount of sadness and fear in her eyes as dads. I step over and hug her tightly.

"I love you too." I whisper and she hugs me back.

With goodbyes out of the way and bags in hand Corey and I walk over and get in line. My hearts still beating like crazy. Corey looks over at me and reaches out his hand. I look down at it and then at him.

"It's as much for me as it is for you." He says.

My fingers tingle at the thought of holding his hand and yet I do it. Coreys fingers wrap around mine, a sinple yet effective gesture of love and support. I've never held hands with him before and if I had it wouldn't have meant anything. Yet today it means something...I'm just not sure what it is yet.

......

Every fear I had about flying comes back to me tenfold as we walk in the Ile looking for our seats. Coreys hand it still tightly holding mine and I'm glad for it since I'm 100% certain that I will fall over without it. We find our seats and settle in, Corey put me by the window because he swears the view will squash my fears. I have no idea why he would think of something so stupid, but here we are.

My legs starts thumping and my eyes refuse to be still. It's starting to feel like I can't breathe. Calm down. Don't freak out or everyone will see. I've hated crowds as far back as I can remember. The accompanying anxiety always felt like the worst life had to offer, today I realise how wrong I was.

Corey looks over at me, he's perfectly fine and looks very much at home in his own skin. As always. My mind grumbles.

"Everything will be okay." Corey says.

I want to believe him, honestly I do. But my mind is racing ahead and my body can't keep up. I close my eyes and count, but when I reach 37 and my leg is still hoping around like a bunny on heat I realise that it's useless. Years of breathing exercise and mental practices that usually help with my erratic behaviour go out the window.

"Ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seatbelts and have them remain that way till the pilot gives you the all clear." The intercom says.

Corey lets go of my hand and my heary does a somersault.

"What are you doing?" I snap.

He smiles and points at his waist.

"Just buckling up." He says.

I nod.

"Of course." My leg taps faster and faster.

"Alec?" Corey says.

"Uh huh?" I ask looking at him.

He stares at me for a while and realises how afraid I really am.

"Sir, I need you to buckle up please." A flight attendant says.

I try to obey but my hands are shaking so much it might as well be rocket science.

"I got it." Corey says.

He reaches over and fastens it for me. Watching his hands work and feeling the warmth of his skin as he reaches over me makes me feel a little better. When it's over Corey smiles and we get some rules and regulations read to us. The plane begins to shake and a sinking feeling swallows me up as we start to rise into the air. My hand finds Coreys and I squeeze. He smiles and weaves his fingers through mine.

"Close your eyes and count to 20 and it'll be over before you finish." He says.

I do what he says taking comfort in our linked hands.

"Hey." Corey says making me open my eyes again. "Look."

He points out the window and my mind slows down. Corey was right, the view is everything I needed to feel a little less panicky. I can see the planes wind stretching out and cutting through the clouds. The sky is everywhere, a pool of orange and blue light that swallows us up. Below me the world is the size of legos.

I only realise now that I'm smiling.

"Told you so." Corey whispers in my ear.

I roll my eye at him and he smiles at me. Dispute my calmed state neither one of us lets go of the others hand. The plane cruzes across the sky and the world I know gets left behind. But for the first time all day that fact doesn't scare me anymore.

......