I'm tired

Part 3

A few minutes later Richard returned with a nurse. They brought all kind of supplies, IVs, a sedative and even a feeding tube. As the nurse started to prepare the needle Nick stepped in. "May I?" he asked, pointing at the needle and the IV. The nurse looked a little confused over to Jackson, who looked at Nick. "You're a surgeon right?" he asked.

"Transplant surgeon." Nick replied, watching as Jackson gave the nurse a nod whom than gave the IV-needle to Nick. Very carefully he freed her arm from underneath the blanket, starting to prepare the spot on her hand where he would insert the needle. After cleaning it with alcohol he gently inserted the needle, attaching the fluids and hanging them onto the stand next to the bed. Grabbing the needle the nurse gave him he also inserted a mild sedative into the IV that would make sure that Meredith would sleep for at least another ten hours. Without any nightmares.

"Okay, thank you." He said to the nurse, focusing his attention back on Meredith. "The tube?" the nurse asked. "No, no tube yet." Nick said, knowing that if Meredith would wake up with a feeding tube she would be furious. She hated not being in control over everything around her and in that state she was in he assumed that she already didn't have her work under control. So, he knew that if Meredith would discover that he had just let them insert a feeding tube without asking her first it would only get worse. As soon as she would wake up he would try to get her to eat something and if she would refuse then there would still be time to consider a feeding tube.

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Nick stayed the whole night. Not sleeping much since he had already slept a little on the plane. Most of the time he just sat there, observing her, asking himself why everything had to go so terribly wrong. In an alternate universe he had moved to Boston with her and he had been able to be there for her sooner, to catch her the moment she had started to fall. In this alternate universe he had been here and he had made sure that Meredith would get enough sleep and eat enough. He would have prevented all of this from happening.

"I love you Mer, I hope you know that." He started, looking her small form, a tear escaping his eyes. "And- I'm sorry that I didn't come here sooner. I- missed you. A lot. And I hope that you missed me too." He continued, shaking his head. It had no use. She couldn't even hear him and in the end they would have this conversation no matter what. At one point there would be yelling and accusing and shouting. And they would either be together again, happy, or he would get his heart broken, again.

"I hope that- you'll be okay." He said, not wanting to sound selfish by saying that he hoped that they would figure out a way to find back to each other. "This- last phone call, where you pretended to not have heard me- that hurt me. It really hurt. I know I- I somehow did the same by walking away so- I guess we were both pretty stupid." He finished, chuckling a little, stroking her hand while talking.

About nine hours had already passed and he somehow hoped that she would wake up soon. He needed to talk to her, he needed to ask her what happened, he needed to help her, to make her feel better. But on the other side he hoped that she would keep sleeping for as long as possible because while she was asleep, she was free from everything bothering her. No worries, no sorrows, and no expectations.

And all of the sudden she started to move, getting more restless before opening her eyes. Her face wasn't looking that pale anymore and her eyes were still slightly red, but it wasn't as bad as it had been yesterday. "What- what happened? What are you doing here?" she asked confused, slowly sitting up. "Uhm- Richard asked me to come. You were- pretty sleep deprived and- confused." He said softly, not wanting her to get upset.

"How long did I sleep for?" she asked, rubbing her eyes before noticing the IV in her hand. "About nine hours- or ten." He gave back, observing her closely. She sighed, leaning back and covering her face with her hands. "What- day is it?" she asked a little shyly, obviously embarrassed about the fact that she didn't even know what day it was. "It's Thursday."

"Thursday the fifth?" she asked slowly. "No- Thursday the twelfth." He gave back, getting more and more aware about how bad her state actually was. "What? But- I have to get back to work I can't lose any more time." She said, sitting up and pulling out the IV. "Mer, no hey." He said, catching her as she collapsed. She had tried to stand up again and just like yesterday her legs hadn't been able to hold her.

As he carefully lowered her back onto the bed he heard her hiss in pain, pressing her eyes shut. "You okay? Are you hurt?" he asked, getting concerned. "No, I'm fine." Meredith quickly replied, rubbing her eyes again. "You can't get up yet Mer, come on lay back down." He insisted, trying to gently push her back down into the pillow. "Nick, I can't. I have to work. I have to continue my research. I can rest when I'm done."

"Do you even hear yourself Mer? What is going on with you? You know how dangerous that is what you're doing? You're working yourself to death. And if you continue doing this then you'll be no help to anyone. You'll get seriously sick." He said, a little more harshly than intended but he needed to make her understand. She wasn't being herself at all- she had become a complete workaholic.

"Nick you don't get it right? This is all my fault. If I wouldn't have messed with Derek's Alzheimer's trial back then, then there would probably already be a cure! Hundreds of people are dying because of me and my kids will lose their mother because she had been so stupid as a resident that she had let her emotions become the best of her. It will be all my fault so I have to fix this!" she said, almost yelling.

She had told him about Derek's Alzheimer's trial before but he didn't know all the details. But he now understood what had happened. Meredith felt responsible for the fact that there was no cure to Alzheimer's yet. Of course, that was absolutely ridiculous but it all made sense now. "Oh Mer, this is not your fault, alright?" he tried to reassure her, sitting down next to her on the bed. "Of course, it is my fault Nick, whose else fault could it be." She said, and he could hear from her voice that she had tears in her eyes. 

So, part 4 and 5 are already written and you will probably get to read them tomorrow. And I am so excited for you to read them because I think this story might get really good =)