I'm tired

Part 4

Only a few seconds later the door opened again and both Jackson and Richard returned. "Good morning everyone." Jackson said, smiling handsomely. As Meredith didn't reply Nick realised that she was trying not to start crying. He had just found out what was the reason for her stress and why she was working herself to death. Only now he noticed the man right behind the two of them. He was a little smaller than Richard and Jackson and he was definitely older. He was wearing a white coat and holding a clipboard. Well, that must be someone from the psychiatric ward.

"Meredith, this is Dr. Parker." Jackson said, taking a step to the side. As Meredith looked up he could still see the tears in her eyes but now her expression was starting to get angry, really angry. "Are you being serious? Jackson? A therapist? Why don't you understand this? I have work to do! I have to work because that's why you hired me! To work here! To do research on a curation of Alzheimer's. So why are you all trying to keep me from doing that?!" she said, her voice getting louder and louder as she spoke.

All three, Nick, Jackson and Richard exchanged worried gazes, all of them not knowing what to do. Very slowly Meredith tried to stand up again, this time without collapsing. But still, Nick was standing very close behind her, ready to catch her if she would actually fall again. He watched her very closely, wanting to be prepared for everything that could happen, any sign of weakness. She slowly rubbed her eyes again before starting to walk, past Richard, Jackson, and Dr. Parker, out of the room and into the hallway. "Meredith, please. You're not okay." Nick said, walking next to her, his left arm right behind her back but not touching her. "Just go back, go back to Seattle Nick." She mumbled, making him sigh. And he knew that she had noticed it too.

"Déjà vu." Nick said quietly, knowing that Meredith still heard it. "But you know what? This time I am not leaving. Yell at me, say whatever you want, I am not leaving you." He added a little louder to make sure she would hear him. "I am here for you. You can talk to me about anything." He added, knowing that she was listening right now. As they reached her lab Meredith stopped, sighing as she saw the mess. "Did I make that mess?" she asked defeatedly, already knowing the answer. Carefully she sat down, looking around and grabbing her notebook, opening it, and starting to read the last page.

He knew that he wasn't going to be able to stop her from working, now that she was already here so that he just sat down next to her, looking at the notebook as well. Since he didn't have much context he didn't understand everything that was standing on that page. Only the last three words he did understand without context. It's all wrong.

"Mer?" he asked carefully, observing her as she let her fingers trace over those three words. "Yeah?" she gave back slowly. "What exactly is wrong?" he asked, placing his hand on her back instinctively.

"Everything we know about Alzheimer's. I- have a hypothesis that- Alzheimer's isn't caused by protein plugs and that- everything we know is just- wrong." She explained, closing her notebook. "You know that- when you tell that your funders that they will cut you off. Your whole career might be over if you publish this." He said softly. "I know. But I can't just- keep this to myself can I? Because if it's true then- I might actually cure Alzheimer's. I think."

Nick just stayed silent this was either- big or it was- crazy. However, if she would publish this she would insult decades of research and trials and her career would be over. Now he understood why she was so stressed.

Watching her as she rubbed her eyes again he frowned. "You're rubbing your eyes a lot, do they itch or hurt?" he asked, knowing that itchy eyes could be a symptom of many things. And considering how stressed she was it wouldn't be absurd to be concerned about her getting sick. Seriously sick. "No, I'm just still a little tired." She gave back, dropping her notebook and burring her face in her hands. "You could just go back to bed and sleep some more." He said. "I can't go back to sleep." She replied, opening her eyes again. "I think- I'm just going to tell the funders that I'm making progress and- keep doing research on my hypothesis, without going into detail. That wouldn't be lying and I wouldn't lose the funding." She then added.

Honestly, she was somehow glad that Nick was here. She had been carrying this around for so long now, not knowing who to trust and how to explain it. She knew that Nick wouldn't make fun of her or tell her that she was insane. And he didn't. "And- when are you going to take care of yourself?" he asked instead. "I am- I go home every evening, have dinner with my kids, play with them, bring them to bed, have breakfast with them in the morning, bring them to school, go to work and- all of it again. I'm fine Nick. I have a functioning routine and- spending time with my kids is- taking care of myself."

"I honestly don't believe you when you tell me that you're having dinner and breakfast every day." He said softly, stroking her cheek again, what made her look up again. "I have been eating." She mumbled not very convincingly. "And have you been sleeping? Be honest." He said, taking her hand. "Not much." She replied and he was glad that she seemed to come to a realisation and was opening up without getting upset. "I think- I think I lost weight." She added, looking up at him again. "Yeah you have."

"I'm not feeling so great. And- I don't know how to- how to do this." She said, referring to all those files and papers and sketches laying around in the room. "I'm an imposter. I said that- I would cure Alzheimer's just like- I cured Parkinson's but- I can't. I can't cure it." She said, her voice a little hollow all of the sudden. "Of course, you can't cure it within just a month Mer. It takes time. Your Parkinson's trial took over two months didn't it? And if you're right and everything we know about Alzheimer's is- doubtable then it'll take even more time. That doesn't mean that you are obligated to do it within a month. You have to take it easy. And you have to take care of yourself too because if you get sick then no one is going to keep doing research on your hypothesis." He explained, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"But what if I don't have that time." She asked quietly, her voice breaking. "I have more than just one marker for that gen. What if- we should- we could just try gen therapy. Extract stem cells, cut out the markers with restrictive enzymes and put the cells back into my body so they can proliferate." She rambled. "Mer, that's not legal. And it probably won't work too. The mutation rate is way too high you would do more harm than good to yourself." He said, getting even more worried. She was scared. She seemed so scared. And then she just broke down. She burst into tears, sobbing heartbreakingly. Very carefully he pulled her onto his lap, laying his arms around her stomach and holding her close as she cried. 

Chapters 5-7 are already written but feel free to leave suggestions =) love reading them