I'm tired

Part 7

After having filled out all the forms Meredith leaned back in the chair again. "How am I supposed to tell the kids?" she asked monotony, obviously trying to suppress how scared she was. Actually, she was terrified. She had no idea what was going to happen, how all of this would affect her life, her work, her relationship and- how was she going to tell her children?

"Just tell them the truth. They are tough, they will be okay. Explain it to them, every single detail. Because you are not going to die from this, at one point it will become manageable. You'll have to take medicaments and go to regular check ups but you will still be you, nothing is going to change between you and your kids. You are still their mother. A mother who would do everything for them. Just tell them how much you love them, that you'll always be there for them and that this disease won't change anything about that." Nick said calmly, placing his hand on her leg to somehow comfort her.

"Okay, that- that doesn't sound too bad." She said and he immediately understand that by him telling her this she was immediately a little consoled. She hadn't needed him to say that only so she could tell it her kids but also to cope with it herself.

All of the sudden Dr. Thomas walked back in, a few more files in his arms. "Your room is ready. We'll start by noting a detailed medical history and document all symptoms. This is followed by an examination of the skin, lymph nodes and joints, as well as an examination of the internal organs." He explained, taking the clip board from Meredith. "I'll drive back home to get some clothes and- other stuff." She said slowly. It was only logical that she was still in shock, trying to process all of this.

"Alright." Dr. Thomas said. "Page me when you're back and we'll start with the tests right away."

"You know- actually- I'd rather spend one more night at home before getting admitted. With my kids." Meredith said, getting up, swaying slightly and immediately being steadied by Nick. Feeling safe by how he was standing behind her she leaned back a little, taking his hand. "Are you sure?" Dr. Thomas asked. "Yes." Meredith replied, being comforted by Nick's warmth.

"Alright, see you tomorrow then." Dr. Thomas said, leaving the room again. "It's so- ridiculous. I made this test because I needed more time to find a cure for Alzheimer's and- then I find out that I probably got more time because for once the universe wasn't messing around with me but I only got more time if my hypothesis is wrong which would mean that a whole month of research would be worthless, and now- now I have a chronical illness. And it's still not guaranteed that I won't get Alzheimer's and forget you and my kids." Meredith said, laughing because she still couldn't believe that this was actually happening. "And- I might not even have that time. Those ten years. If my hypothesis is right then I might start showing symptoms tomorrow."

"Nick. We need to have this conversation right now. I- want you to come home with me tonight but I won't be able to get any rest when I know that we still have to talk about this whole mess between us." She said, moving out of his arms and turning around. "You want to talk now?" he asked, looking at her a little concerned. She was so pale.

"Yes. We need to do this now. We can't procrastinate our relationship. I- missed you and- I don't want to go through all of this on my own. I want you to be here. I can't do this anymore I don't know how to. I need someone to tell me what to do now. And I can't act as if everything was fine while it isn't." She admitted quietly and he couldn't help but smile sadly as he heard what she said. His heart ached for her. "Alright." He replied, sitting back down as she did the same. "Do you want to start?" she asked.

"Okay, so- I called you and I told you that I loved you and you pretended that you didn't hear me. And I know that I did the same thing when I just walked out and pretended I didn't hear you but- it really hurt. I even drove after you; I was already at the airport when I called you." Nick explained. He hated that he had to confront her with this right now while she was obviously tired and sick. He kept looking at her as she was trying to collect her thoughts.