I'm tired

Part 8

As they arrived at Meredith's house Meredith decided to give him a little tour since the kids weren't home yet. "It's really beautiful Mer." He said, placing his hand on the small of her back as they were standing in the big, open living room. "Thank you." She said tiredly. "You know- I was thinking the whole time- I should publish my hypothesis." She continued, catching him off guard.

"Because if I am right I might not have those ten good years and if I don't- I want someone else to continue my research. I don't even know what I am supposed to do now. I know that I should concentrate on getting the autoimmune disease under control before it gets really bad but I also have to make sure I keep up with my research because if I don't I might- get Alzheimer's on top of it and if my hypothesis is right but no one believes me then there won't be a cure to it. So, what problem do I tackle first?" she said, rubbing her eyes again. They were so itchy and she was so tired so that she just wanted to keep them closed for as long as possible. But first she would have to wait until her kids would get home and then tell them that she was sick.

"Come on, lets sit down for a second." Nick said, noticing that she was swaying slightly, her legs still pretty weak. He took her hand and lead her over to the couch, sitting down with her next to him. "I know that it seems impossible right now Mer. But if there's anyone on this planet who would be able to get through all of this, then it's you. You will find a way, I know that. And I'll be here for all of it. The good and the bad." He said, laying an arm around her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

"I should maybe call Jackson and Richard. I- just ran out they're probably already looking for me." She said after a few seconds of silken. "Will you tell them?" Nick asked worriedly, stroking her arm gently, not applying too much pressure since he didn't know whether her skin was hurting because of the red spots.

"No, I'll just tell them that I went home, that I am safe and- I'll talk to them tomorrow in person." She said, hissing in pain as he touched one of the bloody spots on her arm. "Sorry." He said, lifting his hand. "Do you have some cream here? For your arm?" he asked. "Yeah, I'll get it." She replied, attempting on getting up but he stopped her by gently grabbing her hand. "I'll get it, you stay here and try to relax." He said, smiling at her reassuringly before disappearing around the corner.

Only one minute later he returned with the cream as well as a shirt without sleeves so that he could apply the cream up until her shoulders. After she had changed into the shirt he took her arm and started to apply the cream very carefully by massaging the red spots. It turned out that those spots were on both her arms, and all over her back. "That feels really good." Meredith whispered, enjoying the cold cream on her itching skin. "All done." Nick said, putting the cap back onto the little tube.

Suddenly the doorbell rang and not a minute later Meredith was surrounded by her kids. "Nick!" Ellis yelled, running over to him, throwing away her backpack and jumping into his arms. "Hey Ellie, I missed you too." He said, hugging her back. Meredith just smiled. She had quickly put on a cardigan so that her kids wouldn't see the spots on her arm and get worried.

"The kids obviously missed you." She said to Nick, smiling at the scene in front of her. Ellis didn't seem to want to let go off him and stayed in his arms as both Bailey and Zola started to talk about their day at school. Nick had missed this. Having a family. Charlotte had moved out two years ago and ever since he had always lived alone. Until he had met Meredith. She had given him a family. And he really hoped that they would be able to work through all of this and stay together in the end.

"So, uhm- I need to talk to you about something really important." Meredith started after the kids had finished talking. Zola immediately sensed that something was wrong and looked at her mother a little concerned. "You okay mom?" she asked with a small voice. "Right now- I am not. But I will be." She said, opening her arms and letting Zola sit down next to her, Bailey sat down on the other side.

"Do you know what an autoimmune disease is Zo?" Meredith asked her oldest daughter, starting to stroke her back, just like Nick always did it with her. "Yes." Zola said hesitantly, looking up at her mother with fear in her eyes. "I don't." Bailey said, looking up at Meredith as well. "Well- you know when you have a cold your immune system starts to attack all the bad cells to make the cold go away." Meredith started, trying to explain it in a way both Bailey and Ellis would understand. "And- when you have an autoimmune disease the immune system doesn't only attack the bad cells but also the good cells."

"And do you have that?" Bailey asked with big eyes. "I do. But it's not dangerous, I promise. I will go to the hospital tomorrow and they will start to give me a certain medication that will make it better again." Meredith continued, trying to keep herself together. Nick saw how much she was struggling so that he grabbed her hand to offer her some comfort. "You are not going to die right?" Bailey asked, making Ellis look up as well. "Mommy is dying?" she asked, starting to tear up.

"No, I'm not going to die, I promise. I won't leave you. It will get better very soon and I'll be fine." She said, avoiding Nick's gaze since she knew that she was lying. She knew that she was never going to be fine. She'll always be in pain, or have rashes, get sick and it wasn't very unlikely for her organs to get infected. And she was scared. But she didn't want her kids to be. Especially Zola, who still hasn't said a single word. "So you'll be okay?" Ellis asked, sticking out her arms to Meredith who immediately took her from Nick, ignoring the pain in her arms as Ellis held tightly on to her.

"I will be okay Ellie. I'll just have to stay at the hospital for a few days." She reassured her youngest, looking at Zola. "You okay Zozo?" she asked, receiving a nod. "Ellis, Bailey what about you go upstairs already and play a bit in your rooms?" she asked the two, wanting to talk to Zola alone and let her ask all the questions she had without scaring Bailey and Ellis.

"Okay." The two said in union, quickly running off. "You won't be fine mom. And you could die. This is a chronic disease you won't ever be okay again." Zola said, tearing up slightly. "I- won't die Zola. All autoimmune diseases are very treatable nowadays and there are medications and therapies that will help me. It will probably be rough the first few months but most of the time it will be as if nothing ever happened." Meredith said, looking at Nick a little helplessly. "She's right. The symptoms are treatable. And although it is a chronical illness it doesn't automatically mean that she'll experience all the symptoms the whole time. The most likely case is that once everything is under control the symptoms only occur in- episodes. It is going to be as if your mom is sick for a few days every few months. But about 85% of the time she will be totally fine." Nick said, making Zola look up at him.

"Are you going to move here?" Zola asked him, staying in her mother's arms who now looked at Nick as well. "I will." He said, smiling a little as he saw the surprised look on Meredith's face. "The interns are almost residents now and we have an amazing chief resident. Also Richard really misses his old job. I'll make sure to find a new job here so I can stay with you all." Nick explained, seeing how Meredith's eyes slowly lit up.

"You don't have to do that Nick." She said quietly, smiling at him. "But I want to." He said, scooting closer to them and taking both Meredith and Zola into his arms. "I love you Mer. And I'll be here for everything that's going to happen." He said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Good, now mom at least doesn't have to cry herself to sleep anymore." Zola said, chuckling. "You cried yourself to sleep because of me?" Nick asked, chuckling, but also feeling guilty. "Zola! That was only one single time." She said, laughing as well. But the look she gave Nick told him that it didn't happen just that one time. "I'm sorry Mer." He said, pulling her closer and kissing her again. "No more crying yourself to sleep alright?" he asked, knowing that both of them saw a deeper meaning to this.

She was at a very difficult time right now in her life and he wanted her to keep seeing things positively. Or at least start to see things positively. "I'll try." She replied, closing her eyes, and letting her head rest against his cheek. They would get through this together.