I'm tired

Part 11

"I'm in therapy." Meredith said all of the sudden into the silence. Nick had thought that she had been asleep so that he had answered some text messages he had gotten from his residents. "What?" Nick asked, caught off guard. "I'm in therapy." Meredith repeated softly, turning her head to look at him. After all the tests they had done in the morning Meredith had been completely exhausted so that she had laid down in her hospital bed for a while.

Turning a little in his chair he shifted his attention entirely onto her. "I- started therapy when I came here because- I thought it- would be a good idea." She said, pulling up her legs. She was laying on top of the blanket since she had been feeling feverish once again and therefor wanted to cool down a little.

Nick didn't know what to say and how to react to her telling him this. "I've been to therapy before. Once. While Derek and I were going through a- let's call it a crisis. And since it helped back then I thought- I thought that it would be a good idea." She continued, looking at him from the side. "And does it help?" he asked quietly. He knew what she was trying to tell him. She was trying to tell him that she had been working on improving her commitment issues. Because she still had commitment issues.

"Yeah it helps. Actually- Dr. Parker, the therapist Jackson called yesterday he's actually- my therapist. I just- didn't want Jackson and Richard or- you- to find out. And- I'm sorry about all the yelling and snapping yesterday I was just-"

"Scared?" he guessed, leaning forward in his chair. "Yeah." She replied, looking at him. "And I still am. Because I don't know how to- how to do this Nick. I have to cure Alzheimer's if I don't want to die from it. But at the same time I have to make sure not to die from this. And the kids-" she continued, her eyes getting shaky. "Why is my life so messed up? I don't- I don't even have a plan I- I thought that by moving out here I would finally get everything together. I thought that Zola would get better I thought that I could cure Alzheimer's I thought that- for once in my life- I had a plan. But I didn't because you weren't there. That's why I started therapy. I was confused and I needed to know what I had to fight for, what had to be my priority. And three very big things at the same time seems to have been too much for my body. My body has given up on me. So- what do I do- how do I get back on track."

"I don't know Mer but- what I do know is that- I don't want you to worry about me or about us because I'm here. I'm right here and I'm not leaving. And I'll be there for you, I'll help you figure this out. You will survive this and you'll get back on track. I don't know how but I do know that you will. And you will continue to work on your Alzheimer's research. And Zola, Bailey and Ellis are going to be just fine as well." He reassured her, smiling at her warmly.

Meredith just nodded, relaxing back into her pillows and taking a deep breath. "Okay." She whispered. He knew what was going on. She had needed him to tell her again that he would be there for her and that she wouldn't have to make all those big decisions alone anymore. She had just needed him to tell her that everything was going to be alright again.

"Okay." He said, still smiling at her. He understood that she must be feeling exhausted and completely confused, worried and scared. So it didn't matter to him how many times she would make him tell her that he would be here and that everything was going to okay. Because it really didn't matter. All that mattered was that she would be fine and that she wouldn't give up fighting.

"I think that you should continue going to therapy Mer." He said after a few minutes of silence. "Yeah me too." She said, smiling at him sadly. "How long do you think it'll take until we get the results?" she asked defeatedly, sitting up tiredly. "I don't know maybe two hours." He replied, sighing and leaning back in his chair again.

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Later that day Meredith had fallen asleep and Nick was- Nick was just observing her. He was way too tired and at the same time emotional to even think straight so that he just observed her, making sure she wouldn't be burning up. She's been having a slight fever for over three hours now so that he had made sure she would get an infusion to prevent it from getting any worse.

Suddenly the door opened and Dr. Thomas walked in, shortly behind him Dr. Sullivan. Sitting up straighter Nick looked at them expectingly. "Wake her up please." Dr. Thomas said to Nick, waving with the clipboard in his hands. Turning around slowly he bend down to Meredith, starting to gently stroke her arm. "Mer?" he asked quietly, feeling how warm her skin was even with the infusion.

Very slowly she opened her eyes, sitting up as she spotted both Dr. Thomas and to her dislike Dr. Sullivan. "You got the results?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. "Yes we do." Dr. Sullivan said, stepping a little closer.

"You have SLE. Systemic lupus erythematosus which is the most common type of Lupus. Your immune system attacks its own tissues, causing widespread inflammation and tissue damage in the affected organs. Meaning that we have to test your organs, especially your kidneys and your liver." Dr. Sullivan explained, looking from Nick to Meredith and back. Meredith moved her head down, trying to process what Dr. Sullivan was saying without having to see her face or how she was looking at Nick. Lupus. She had lupus.

"Are we going to do those tests now?" Meredith asked, breathing in sharply. "Yes it would be the best. We need to make sure that in case your organs are already affected that we catch that early and start treatment on time." Dr. Sullivan continued. "Okay. Let's go then." She said, looking up again and trying to smile a little. All of them knew that there was absolutely nothing to smile about but- she was tired. She wanted to get this over with and start with the treatment.

Nick now looked from Dr. Sullivan at Meredith, taking her hand and making her look at him, giving her a reassuring smile. "What about we just- take a few minutes, to process." He suggested, starting to worry. "I don't need time to process I just want to do the tests and then sleep." She replied quietly. She was embarrassed about being so unbelievingly exhausted and tired. She couldn't even really process what was going on. It was as if she was seeing everything through some kind of blur as if- she was just watching from the distance. As if she wasn't even really here.

"Okay." Nick gave in, getting up and helping Meredith up as well. Meredith had Lupus. His Meredith was seriously sick. But she didn't need him to worry about her right now she just needed him to be strong for her, so that she could be strong as well.

Suggestions please I ran out of ideas =)