Sincerely, Jonah

Chapter 12

During lunch, I head to the janitor's closet. Fin and V are already in there talking. V is doing a handstand on the wall when I walk in through the curtains, since there's no door.
There's only 10 minutes left of lunch since I almost had a crisis in the bathroom and had to wait until my anxiety relief pills kicked in.Dad told me to either call him or go to the nurse when it happens and they'll give me one of my real prescribed pills, but I knew they would call and tell him. If you've been reading from the beginning, you know that I can't.

I know I should tell Fin and V about my mental state, but why should I? They don't have a clue and besides, I don't want them to think of me differently or treat me better just because of where I'm at mentallyThings are going great so far, and I want to keep it this way. It's like we're on a roller coaster going up and everyones excited, and there's me, trying not to ruin the fun and vomit on everyone.

Fin looks at me, does a double take, and groans. "Did you run the mile today for gym?" I look at him in confusion before he points down at my shirt that's drenched in sweat. My eyes go wide.
"I thought we were supposed to be doing that in the spring?" V grunts. Her long curly hair dangles on the floor.

"Uh, no...." I grab a bunch of V's sparkly tissues and wipe my forehead and neck. "It's just hot in this school, you know."
Silence.

"Because of the heat...and.. stuff."
Their staring is making me sweat even more. I'm just standing here, with my bag still hanging around my shoulders. Finally, Fin shrugs and goes back to writing, yet, V is still staring right into my soul.
I clear my breath as I drop my backpack. Anything to avoid contact with her.

"Alright," Fin says, turning to me. "Check this out." He shows me a list. It's colored in green and red, with a bunch of doodles on it.
"We should do a Secret Santa on Christmas eve. V, you can bring a date, Blake or whatever since it's just us. And you Jonah, can bring someone along."

I look at the paper and shake my head. "No I don't really have..." And then I think: Taylor. I can catch her at Elisas house or the cafe and ask.
"I'll bring Taylor."

V pushes her legs off the wall while Fin gives me a look. "Taylor? Like the Cafe girl Taylor?" he asks. I roll my eyes. "No, Taylor Swift..... Of course the Cafe girl Taylor."
V glares at me and mutters something in Polish. Fin busts out laughing.

"Alright, you guys are saying Taylor too much," V says. A few moments later, she leans in towards me. "So about this Taylor girl...."
I back up from them with my hands out.
"Before you guys ask..I don't like her. I barely know her. I've just seen her around a lot."

What I don't say is that I can't even see myself finding another girl slightly attractive without comparing them to V. Even though we're just friends, I admire her a lot. She's smart, warm, and open; 3 of the many things I'll never be.
I try not to say something about the thought of Bryce
tagging along.

V and him are on and off but all he does is sleep around with girls when they're together and get drunk at parties in town. He doesn't even bother to hide it either. Last week we saw his post where he was posing for the camera with his tongue out while grabbing another girl's ass. Even though she didn't say anything about it, I could see how hurt she was.

The next day she got back with him. Fin told me not to say anything about it.
"Can we do it at your house?" he asks V. She's now laying across the floor with an emoji pillow. "Nuh-uh," she says as she shakes her head.
"C'mon, your place is bigger than ours. Not to mention the big hot tub in your backyard..."
"Well yeah but my brothers are super annoying."

He shrugs. "It's fine. We'll lock them in a cage or something."
I smile as she throws the pillow at his face. He dodges. "What? I'll give them food and water. I'm not that mean."