Guilty

Juliette

"I have to go into Emery's room soon, to help her get ready," I tell Zane, he nods looking out at the sunrise. This morning we both got up early so we could see each other before we got wrapped up in helping our friends get ready for their big day.

We sit on the steps leading up to the mansion Emery and Josh rented out together, I shiver a little in my pyjamas as the early morning breeze hits my bare skin. Zane, who sits three steps lower turns to look up at me.

"You know Juliette, I've known you for almost a decade," He says, smiling a little, "Which means I also know when you're holding something back, I'd rather you just come outright with it."

I swallow nervously as I look at him. We were in a good place after so long. But there wasn't a point in lying to him.

I looked at him, holding my breath, "Loving you was never my problem Zane. Not really, it was trusting you. I just...I'm trying to figure out how I can trust you again before we get into a relationship." I say to him, I'd rather not be having this discussion at all but it's good that we are.

We have to start our new relationship with brutal honesty rather than lies.

Zane is quiet for a moment as he takes in my words, "I think my problem was that I always wanted to fix things for you, even when you didn't want them fixed. And I thought for a long time that I was doing those things for you. But I wasn't, I was doing them for me, fixing things for you was helping me feel like I had control over things in life when I didn't."

I look down at him, listening to his every word as the tight knot of unease and distrust loosens just a little bit in my chest.

"Jackson attacked you because I put you on his radar, he only knew who I was because I was involved in things I shouldn't have been. Everything had gone to shit and I thought if could fix this for you, cover up what had happened, I could have some control again. I thought I was helping you but I was trying to loosen my guilt. I know that now, and I shouldn't have let you walk away. I'll regret how much time we lost together because of that for the rest of my life," Zane said, keeping his eyes fixed on mine.

The storms are tame today, and I realise it's because he's calm. This isn't a conversation he finds hard to have, he takes accountability for what he's done and why he did it without any shame or awkwardness. And I find that comforting; the openness, the willingness to talk. No more secrets.

"Maybe..." I take a quick breath, "Maybe instead of jumping into a relationship we could take things slow. Do it the old-fashioned way," I offer.

"You want to go on dates, without the dating part?" Zane asked, smiling a little. I nodded, biting my lip as I waited for his reply.

"Okay, do we still get to fuck on the third date?" He dead pans. My jaw falls open slightly as I look at him, my cheeks heating.

"I'm not too much of a prude, assuming you aren't awful maybe I'll let you take me home on the second date," I say, holding eye contact as I smile a little.

"I'm always awful Juliette, even in sex. But if I remember correctly, that never seemed to bother you did it?" Zane asks, smirking.

"Shut up," I say quickly, looking down.

"Do you still like it when I-"

"I have to get inside now, help the bride-to-be," I say abruptly as I stand up. Zane laughs, but before I turn to leave I press a quick kiss to his lips before I run inside the mansion.

When I walk inside the room everyone's getting ready. I'm immediately swept up in the rush as everyone runs around frantic about getting their hair and makeup done in time.