Guilty

Juliette

I drag my suitcase across the airport looking around nervously. I wouldn't put it past my mother to forget to get me. I'm surprised she didn't cancel on me last minute.

"JULIE," Someone yells ear-splittingly loud. My eyes latch onto my mother and I see her standing in dark jeans and a grey jumper. She holds a massive cardboard sign.

MY DAUGHTER IS BACK FROM YALE (Ivy School)

I smile when I see her and run over. She drops the sign and hugs me tightly. Tears prick at my eyes as I take in her scent, she smoothes a hand over my hair and kisses the top of my head. I missed my mum.

She kisses my cheek, "Right let's head home. I've left your room alone as instructed." she says. We walk out of the airport holding hands. And climb into the taxi together. I fill her in on everything that happened since I saw her in August, and she nods and laughs.

We get home and I walk into my bedroom, to give my mum credit she'd not touched a thing. I lie on my bed for a while and remember what it was like to be a little girl without a care. I shut my eyes and fall asleep almost immediately.

When I wake up, it's dark outside. I walk onto the landing and head downstairs to make myself some dinner. It's pretty late so I assume my mother's asleep. But when I walk past her bedroom the door is wide open. I poke my head inside and see my mother lying on her bed.

I walk inside, my footsteps are quiet on the soft carpet floor. My mother rolls over and smiles at me, I sit down next to her and brush some hair out of her face. She shuts her eyes and relaxes her face. She looks so young, and for a moment I wonder about who she was before she had me. Before bad things happened to change her.

"I miss your dad," She says quietly. My heart cracks open as I soothe her by brushing her hair. My mother sighs, "I know I should be angry he left us behind, but I'm not. I'm just sad and I know I'd welcome him back with open arms if he ever came back to us...do you think he'll come back to us?"

I purse my lips and shake my head, even though my mother can't see me. I continue to brush her hair back as she slowly drifts to sleep. I glance at the filled bottle of her medicine sitting untouched on her nightstand. That explains the drop in the mood, she's not taking her meds.

When I'm sure she's fallen asleep I slowly creep back into my room. I watch TV for a while before I drift off myself. I've pulled so many all-nighters through this semester that it's like my body is permanently exhausted. I could sleep for a decade and I'd still be tired.

I wake up in the morning and walk downstairs, my mother jumps up as soon as I walk into the living room. She insists we drink some hot cocoa and watch a Christmas movie together before we open any presents. When it was time for the first exchange I had her the present I got from her.

She smiles so brightly when she tears apart the blue wrapping paper and sees a small ring made of real platinum. She'd seen it a few months ago and wouldn't stop going on about it. I saved up so I could get it for her.

She hands me her present, I open the small green package and laugh at the gift voucher for a full beautification day. I could get my hair, nails, eyelashes and a facial done. It wasn't exactly personal but she had tried her best. I thanked her, satisfied.

My mother reaches forward and hands me a small red parce, "This one is from your father, trust me I was shocked he thought to get you something," She tells me. Her voice is no longer filled with the misery and longing that it had when she spoke of him last night.

I don't hate my father. You could argue he's a bad person for leaving my mother with me when I was still a toddler but aside from that he was a pretty decent guy. Some people aren't meant to be parents, I understood that. I just wished he'd have figured that out before he became one.