Guilty

Juliette

I smell him before I even see or hear him. The smell of smoke and cinnamon suffocates me.

I turn my head as Zane sits next to me. I don't know what he's doing in a church. I half expect him to burst into flames at any moment. He's riddled with sin.

I'm trying to think of something to say when he breaks the silence in a whisper, "Are we allowed to talk?"

I nod, looking around. No one is here so we aren't disturbing anyone's prayer time.

"You come here to pray?" He asks me finally giving me the eye contact I crave.

"It's a pretty building, sometimes I like to sit and think. I don't pray in churches though," I say to him, my voice soft.

"And why is that?" He asks me.

I look away slightly embarrassed, "You're supposed to pray for the end of world hunger or that you'll live a long blessed life but I pray for useless things. Selfish things, I've always thought those prayers are probably louder coming from the inside of a church."

"I'm sure God would love to hear all of your selfish, useless prayers," Zane says with a smile. I laugh a little at his words.

Zane grins at me "So I suppose you're not a devout follower then?"

I shake my head laughing quietly, "I use the lord's name in vain quite often, I don't go church on Sundays, I don't pray before my meals and I've done a fair share of sinning so no."

"Your sins can't be too bad, you didn't burst into flames when you walked in here."

"Well you're proof that must be a myth, there's no way you could be sat here."

"Maybe God's giving me a chance to atone for all of my sins."

"You should go into confessional, confess your sins," I offer. Zane doesn't say much.

We sit in silence again, I wonder what he's thinking about.

I wonder if he's thinking about anything.

"I used to do a lot of confessing when I was younger. The priest he...had unconventional ideas of how I should atone. My father's very religious," Zane tells me. I glance at him but he's looking at his hands which are clasped in his lap.

"And your mother?"

"She believes but she didn't force it on anybody, she used to say some people weren't meant to find God and that's okay. That's what she said when she gave me this," He tells me, pulling the silver cross necklace from under the collar of his t shirt.

I stay silent, sensing there's something else he wants to say.

"She gave me this when she was in hospital. You know I'm not religious by any means but I used to pray to anyone that I could think of to help her get better."

I notice, with immense sadness, he's talking about her in the past tense and my heart aches for him.

"I don't believe any God would have taken her away from me so soon," Zane says. He won't look at me and I shut my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I say, putting my hand on his leg. He smiles sadly and my heart hurts even more.

How did I never notice?

He shrugs immediately changing the atmosphere, "Doesn't matter now, I've done my fair share of sinning I don't think any amount of atoning will get me into heavens gates."

"Are you telling me you aren't waiting until marriage?" I ask in mock surprise.

"There are other sins to commit, Trouble. That's just one of the many," Zane says, smirking a little. He could be talking about eating shellfish or he could have just confessed to me he's a serial killer.

I doubt I'd ever know.

"There's a special place in hell for whores," I tell him, holding in a laugh.

"Well, Juliette, if I recall you aren't exactly the Virgin Mary," he says slyly.

I remove my hand from his leg to smack him on the arm, hard.

"It isn't like I've been with a lot of people," I say, coming to my own defence.

"Wouldn't matter if you had been. Or at least it shouldn't to any half decent guy." He says.

My cheeks are on fire and I know he can tell.

"Besides, I haven't slept with everyone. You and I haven't had sex have we?" He says.

I think I might be going as red as a tomato. I don't know why I'm so flustered. I hate it.

"I'm part of the minority," I say to him, my voice comes out all wrong and scratchy. Zane smiles.

He leans back, "Through no fault of your own."

"I couldn't have sex with you," I tell him.

He looks at me, with a focused expression, "Why is that?"

I squeeze my legs together, trying to take even breaths.

You are in a church.

"You'd be mean to me. Probably wouldn't even look my way again once we'd hooked up."

Might as well give myself a good reason to go to hell. Zane turns his entire body to face me, like I've captured his entire attention. I suppose I have.

My mouth dries.

"I wouldn't," He says softly.

I can't speak or even blink. I'm entranced by his every movement and it suddenly feels so pointless in trying to pretend like I don't like him.

Maybe he's trying to use me or play games with me.

Maybe I should let him.

"If you let me touch you I'd worship every inch of your body. I'd whisper sweet nothings into your ear. God Juliette if you let me touch you I'd never let you go."

My mouth drops open, "You're playing me."

Zane shakes his head, keeping his eyes fixed on mine, "I like this game, where we pretend to hate each other. Where you pretend like you don't like me and I pretend like I'm not infatuated with you. But this...this isn't a game."

He moves his head towards me and the air around us ignites with tension. So strong and intense it's suffocating us both.

"Will you let me touch you?"

"Yes," I breathe out.

And he does. Zane leans over and kisses me. Softly at first like he's testing the waters.

And then we both lose our resolve. I grab his t shirt and pull him closer to me. Zane tangles his hands in my hair and tugs me closer to him.

He kisses me softly, like he's testing the waters. But I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him to me.

He breathes harshly against my neck and I pull myself back, "We can't do this in a church."

He smiles at me and actually feel myself melt.

"We're just kissing, we can pray for forgiveness in a minute."

I climb off the bench holding back my laugh as Zane jumps up following me.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"I'm going to interview Lana Reyes and do our job," I say, shakily. Zane's mouth drops open and I turn around when I open the car door.

I stand on my tip toes and Zane bends down so my mouth can reach his ear, "You don't get to whisper pretty words in my ear and expect me to spread my legs for you."

I pull back from him and climb into his car without saying another word. Zane rearranges himself and then climbs in after me.

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Let me know if you guys are okay with the way religion and Christianity is discussed within the story. If any one feels uncomfortable or disrespected leave a comment and I'll fix it !!

That being said, I hope you all pray like good angels after reading this chapter.