Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

21

Gracie usually has a steady swing of seasons. When Ava first arrived she was on a pretty even keel, but as the weeks fly by Ava started to notice that Spring and Autumn days outweigh Summer days and thankfully Winter days too, for now. There is a shift and both she and Austin knew it would come but that does not stop the fear that grips the back of both their necks, the family too as they start coming around more often. Dinner is usually never alone now as the family tightens even more around their beautiful Gracie.

Gracie's morning tea with Austin on their patio is never interrupted though and even if their parents or siblings arrive early in the morning they never disturb them when they are on the patio. But, Austin has started to trust Ava more and more with responsibilities that take him away from Gracie so in aid of sharing just a few extra minutes with Gracie, Ava finally feels like she is doing something even if it's just washing the dishes - she still always asks first, just in case.

The kids from Gracie's class visit a few more times over the coming weeks, picking fruit, swimming in the pool, picnicking in the back yard and other activities that Gracie hopes will give them wonderful memories to look back on when they are old and grey. On their last visit, Gracie is not able to go outside and so they watch movies of old-school plays that Gracie had directed. They keep the room quiet and somehow, as young as they are, they understand that Miss Gracie is a gift they can only keep for a moment. When it's time to say goodbye they are all tender with her and take a little longer to pull themselves away - it is a hard moment for Gracie but she knows another visit will be unfair on their tender little hearts.

"I can't remember any of my kindergarten teachers, but if I had you - I would remember you," Ava says quietly while Austin is running her bath. Gracie smiles at her and runs her fingers through Ava's hair, the simple gesture always warms her chest. "I bet they all remember you...I don't know how you have chosen to try and heal yourself and I can't begin to imagine how you start that process but, there is just something about children that makes everything feel alright again. You would make a wonderful teacher, Ava. I see how the children have taken to you, they adore you...if you ever have a change of heart in how you spend your day - teaching is something that might just hold some answers for you," Gracie says softly, slurring her words slightly. Ava had never thought of teaching but the thought of spending her days with those who are just beginning their lives does sound more comforting than spending it with those who are coming to an end.

"Ready, lil mama?" Austin asks from the doorway. "Ready, love," Gracie says smiling softly. Austin gathers her gently in his arms and lifts her.

"Have I told you today that I love you?" he asks.

"You have told me at least ten times."

"Good, and I will tell you another ten times before you fall asleep."

"I know, my love...good night, Ava," Gracie slurs as Austin walks out of the den with her.

Ava wishes time will just slow down but, it doesn't and soon she finds herself back in the doctor's office with Austin and Gracie when her ovulation starts. It's a Spring day and right now it's the best they can hope for. Austin's a mess of stress and is not happy about going ahead with the harvesting but, Gracie has dug her heels in and is insistent that this takes place - they only get one chance as this. Ava sits in the corner of the doctor's room while Gracie lays on the bed and Austin sits next to her with his leg bouncing as he clutches her hand.

"Alright! We are all ready to go," the doctor says rubbing his hands together like a mad scientist. "Wait, explain the procedure again to me," Austin says.

"I use this ultrasound probe. Insert it into your wife's vagina to identify follicles. Then a thin needle is inserted into an ultrasound guide to go through the vagina and into the follicles to retrieve the eggs."

"And the pain?"

"No pain, I have already given her a general anesthetic - she is good to go."

Gracie takes Austin's face in her hands and makes him look at her. "I am fine. I promise. Start doctor, please," she says and makes Austin continue to look at her as the doctor is busy probing her and extracting her eggs. It does not take long and soon the doctor is trotting out with the eggs he has extracted. "You have a choice now, baby," Gracie whispers. Austin buries his face in her neck. Ava feels like her chest is going to burst and she can't stop her tears. It may sound mundane to some but when every hope, dream, and choice has been taken away from you - getting one tiny imperfect choice back is mammoth.

"Thank you, Gracie...what you have given me in this life...love...dreams...choices...I will never know it again."

"You will. One day, when the time is right you will love again. I believe it with all my heart - you deserve it."

"I could never...no one will make me feel the way you do."

"I agree. What we have is ours and ours alone. But, you will find a different love and it won't be any less real."

"Never...never, I belong to you...always."

"My sweet, puppy," Gracie says smiling at him softly then pulling him in tight as he breaks down quietly on her shoulder. Ava has a hard time believing Gracie's words. She too can't see herself loving another - Carter is her forever as is Gracie to Austin.

After Gracie's eggs are safely stored and ready to use if Austin ever chooses to do so Ava drives them home while Gracie sleeps on Austin's lap in the back seat. "May I ask you a question, Ava? It is very personal so don't feel compelled to answer if you do not want to," he says. Ava looks at him through the rearview mirror and then nods her head.

"Have you ever loved again? After Carter..."

"No."

"Do you think you could?"

"No."

"That's what I thought...she has so much faith in me. She sees me as strong but, I am weak, Ava."

Ava thinks Austin is one of the strongest men she knows. He has held himself together when she knows he is falling apart inside. A lesser man would have bailed, but he stayed. She wants to tell him that but, her words will fall on deaf ears - she is sure he has heard it all before anyway.

"If Carter was here you would have his respect, Austin...he would respect the man you are," she says softly, it's the highest compliment she can think to give him, and because of the pain they both share she thinks Austin will understand that. He stares at her through the rearview mirror then places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes it. He understands.

"It helps, you know...it helps to know that wherever Gracie is going that she won't be alone - Carter will look after her for me," he says softly. Ava feels that tightness in her shoulders she has had since Carter left loosen just a little, Austin's words bring her some comfort. She is not religious but, she knows without a doubt that Carter is in a good place - in paradise because that's where he belongs and Gracie will bake him pies when she gets there. Knowing he will have her brings a sense of peace that she never had before.