Yours Truly, Austin Post - Post Malone

8

"Austin?" Ava says quietly stepping out onto their bedroom patio. Gracie is curled in a nest of blankets on his lap, her head in his chest as she sleeps and her hand tangled in his hair. It's late afternoon already and he has been out here with her all day. Austin does not respond but she knows he heard her. "Would you like me to make dinner?" she asks. "She won't eat," he croaks.

"But, you need to."

"No, thank you."

Ava watches as he pulls her in closer and pushes his face into her blankets, his shoulders shaking silently. He is petrified for what the future holds. Ava can't do anything for them other than leave them alone for now so she turns to leave, but Austin's words stop her.

"How do I leave her like this? She says it's only two nights...my dad says it's only two nights. But, that's the problem...it's only two nights."

Ava walks closer and sits in the chair next to him, leaning back and looking out at the scenery before her. It's truly lovely out here.

"I don't know all the answers, but I think if you measure time by hours or days you will drive yourself crazy - you will never have enough time...there is just never enough time. So, I think our brains do this thing to protect us, we stop watching the clock and start banking memories. Days are no longer twenty-four hours but a cluster of memories. You are already measuring in memories, don't force your brain to count the hours now."

"If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy, if she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, I won’t give up, If I give up, I am not worthy…Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the one worth suffering for."

"Yeah...something like that."

Over the next three weeks, Ava finds herself often a silent observer. She learns their routines and she meets all their family members too. Austin's parents live close so they pop in the most followed by Gracie's parents who live an hour away, but are planning on moving to a house on Austin's parent's property over the coming weeks. Gracie's father reminds Ava of Father Christmas with his white beard and belly laugh and her mom has a soft touch and a tender hug. Gracie has a sister, Hope, and they are very close but Ava can tell Gracie's sister is bearly hanging on and Austin is always quick to comfort her when her face crumbles a little. She has three young daughters who bring brightly colored brushes and rhinestone hair bands then sit in front of Gracie, giggling while she brushes and plats their hair to make them look like forest fairies, and then they run around her garden as Gracie looks on with a delighted face, her hand laced in her sisters. Austin's two brothers visit too and while they always take the time to cuddle and love Gracie their focus is on Austin - they are very close and Ava can tell they will be the two people he will lean on the most when Gracie slips away.  The brothers have four sons between them and Gracie dotes on each of them, they always bring a surprise for her which comes in the form of frogs, beetles, odd-shaped sticks, or even rocks, and once, a nasty-looking rat. Gracie always praises them for finding such wonderful treasures on their little adventures and they beam proudly back at her and then attach themselves to her as they watch survival shows on tv. Ava watches Austin burn every meal he cooks and then she watches Gracie eat them happily, showering him with praise. Gracie picks fruit and when she can't Austin does it for her. She likes to change the color of her nails each day and when her hands shake too much Austin paints them for her. Because the medication makes her skin feel funny she likes to bathe three times a day, the water soothing her skin and when she is too weak or disoriented to do it herself Austin will run her bath and bathe her gently. She likes her walks and Austin never talks her out of them so when she can only manage a few steps he picks her up tenderly and carries her so she never misses a walk. When her arms are too weak to hold up so she can't do her makeup, she sighs and says, "Oh, well." Then Ava finds Austin studying tutorials on how to make the perfect arched brow and blend a smoky eye - and he does her makeup for her.

Gracie loves to bake and so she bakes pies, bread, and cakes and puts all the bakeries Ava has ever visited to shame, and when she can't because her hands are cramping or her legs are hurting Austin will bake for her, following her every instruction, and making her giggle when he purposefully does something silly like juggle the eggs. His cakes and pies always flop but Ava and Gracie eat them anyway - they always seem to have sweet comfort to them.

They never intend to leave Ava out but they are often lost in their little bubble where they laugh, cuddle, whisper secrets, steal glances and touches. They are in love and it shines through in everything they do. Ava tries not to hover but always stays close in case Austin needs her. He has warmed to her slightly and has started letting her do a few things, it gives him more time to just be close to Gracie.

There is one time during the day when Ava hides away - Gracie's morning tea. Austin slips out of bed and makes her tea then places it out on the patio and wraps Gracie in a warm blanket then leans her out there - that time is just for them. It's sacred.

Because Gracie's tumor sits in her brain it affects everything about her, no two patients are the same. Gracie has a rotation of four levels, to make them less clinical Austin has likened them to seasons of the year.

There are summer days. On these days Gracie is like summer, she is happy, active, talkative, and always ready with a laugh. She does all the things she loves and walks far - you could even be forgiven for thinking she was not sick at all. These days are for everyone and so the family pop in often on these days. The air always smells sweet and the sky always has a pretty blue to it.

Spring days are not as happy. She does not bake on these days and can only manage a few steps out the door, just far enough to let the grass tickle her toes before Austin has to carry her. Her body is painful and the smallest of tasks take a toll on her, but she manages although she is also always cold and keeps a soft pink shawl around her shoulders that her mother made her. On these days family come in small groups so as not to overwhelm her.

Autumn days always have a slight chill to them. They are housebound days. Austin carries her a lot on these days as her legs give out quickly. She takes lots of little naps as she gets tired quickly. Austin has to plead with her to eat and then hopes a little substance from the nibbles she takes will seep into her body before she vomits it all out. She has a pounding headache that never goes away and nausea rakes over her body constantly. Austin does everything for her, cooking, bathing, dressing her, brushing her hair - everything. Only their parents visit and they spin between loving Gracie and treating Austin like glass.

Then there are Winter days. These days are cold and icy. These days are only for Austin. Gracie curls in a ball on his lap, exhausted and in chronic pain. The only thing she is able to do is tangle her fingers gently in his long hair. Austin never gets tired, he never gets annoyed, and he never takes a break - his focus is only on Gracie and willingly so. He is sad though and Ava can see a piece of him break just a little more every time he wakes and learns that a winter day is upon them.