lethal cure | javon walton

fifty

harlee's pov:
saturday night

sitting on the stairs, my fingers lightly played with the black ponytail holder around my wrist. my thoughts have been trapped inside my head this whole week, and my body has never felt this way before.

I wouldn't have guessed that keeping your thoughts to yourself and not opening up, is the reason people get that feeling of emptiness inside.

keeping quiet starts to make you over think everything, and over thinking leads to a wreck of emotions. but, if you just keep choosing to not share those emotions, they slowly fade away causing the feeling of emptiness.

my mind has been reminiscing on these past months, trying to process how every moment javon and I have spent together, was all just so he could use me.

I can't even put it into words about how confused I am.

I get it. he can fake emotions, he can fake his actions, but how can he fake his own heart?

I haven't been able to wrap my head around the memory of him taking my hand and putting it over his heart. then, when I kissed him, his heart began to beat so quickly.

how can someone fake that?

I don't know. maybe I'm just in denial. or maybe he just gets so heated in the moment that his heart rate increases with any girl he kisses.

I exhaled a large breath as my fingers continued to play with the stretchy rubber band around my wrist.

the music inside of the house was loud, but the sound of intoxicated talking teens was louder than the speakers.

parties have never really been my thing, I only used to go to them because javon went to a majority of them.

but, being here just feels right for some reason. not necessarily being in the party, but being a part of it.

sitting on the stairs, watching each person drink, smoke, or take some sort of drug is the only thing really keeping me sane right now.

knowing that I haven't stooped to the level of pain to where I feel that I need a drug or alcohol to cure myself is what is reminding me that I'm strong.

plus, if I go home, I just have to face my mom. who doesn't know a single thing about javon and I.

I haven't mentioned it to her at all this week, and if I were to I'd have to explain all those times I snuck him in the house.

which I'm not mentally ready for.

on the brighter side, I only have one more year here before, maybe I'll move somewhere and meet people who will be real with me all the time and won't lie straight to my face for four months.

I exhaled a breath as both of my elbows rested on my knees. "damn, maybe I do need a drink." I whispered to myself, being taken off guard by how deep into thought I just was.

my eyes looked around the house at all of the different types of people that were here, it's like they each have their own stories.

my eyes shifted towards the couch seeing a couple of friends sitting on the couch, all engaged into a conversation with each other.