lethal cure | javon walton

fifty seven

javon's pov:
2:30am

red and blue lights flashed in every single direction, lighting up the entire street. police officers called for back up, reeling in more officers than needed.

my face felt stiff from the dried tears that covered my cheeks. my eyes were glued to the ground and haven't moved for ten minutes.

the blanket that the fire man had brought me was thick, and the outside air was pretty warm, yet my entire body felt like it was on the verge of freezing.

I don't want to believe it, but the reality is that it's my fault. it's all my fault.

I am the reason that luke is dead, and harlee is possibly going to lose her life.

if I wouldn't have answered her call, she wouldn't be on a stretcher right now while the paramedics fight for her life.

I don't even know what condition she's in. they pulled me away from her and sat me in the back of this fire truck across the street from where everything happened.

her heart could stop beating at any second and I won't even know, I won't be there with her because they won't let me near her.

none of this would have happened tonight if I didn't answer her fucking call.

if it weren't for me, luke wouldn't be dead.

luke risked his life for me, and he paid the cost of that.

he knows how angry jase can get, yet he died taking a bullet for me.

luke risked his life for me because he knows that I love harlee.

I haven't talked to luke in months, he hasn't even crossed my mind in months for that matter, and here he is taking a bullet so that I can be happy.

I deserve nothing, but absolute shit.

I tried to shove the gun out of jase's hands to protect us.

it should've been me, I should be in either one of their positions.

my mind feels like it's completely blank and my heart feels like there is nothing inside of it. I can't even describe it, it's like my life is on pause. everything is just blank.

if harlee's life gets taken from her, I truly don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

guilt will be weighing me down the rest of my life knowing that I'm the reason her mother is going to have no family left, knowing that ethan and jaden are going to lose someone they cherish, and knowing that I am the reason she's gone.

I love her more than I do breathing, more than anything. I can't even put it into words.

breaking me from my thoughts, a hand rested onto my shoulder causing my head to slowly lift, hardly having the energy to use my muscles.

"are you okay sir? do you need anything?" a feminine voice asked. my eyes looked up seeing a young female paramedic standing in front of me with a clip board.

I stared at her with a blank look on my face, my eyes feeling so droopy that I could fall asleep. I shook my head slowly, letting my eyes fall back down to the floor.