[eng] Leave My Shit Outside ; Ziam

q ; I AM INSECURE AS PRETTY AS I SEEM

hello, i hope you're enjoying this story 🥰 please don't leave me alone with all this paranoia

Words: 2,2K

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LIAM'S POV

Feels weird to be at home alone after tasting the sensation of having Zaynie's company all the time. Feels like things lost their importance, their purpose to get done, you know? I don't know if I'm explaining enough.

I lay down on my sofa with a full pack of salt peanuts to watch the Train to Busan, but I can't keep concentrated for so long. Zaynie comes up to my mind and takes a seat.

I confess that I'm worried about that lunch + visit that should be already happening, at the same time I'm channeling my positive energy to it. Everything is going the better way. Family already is complicated with a good relationship, when it doesn't exist it just gets harder.

Thinking about my own situation, my parents tried to visit me on my birthday night, but I wasn't able to. I realized, I know myself. Even though I still would like to be able to end all this missing, even if somehow it could cause stress. My mom doesn't agree with my depression, but she doesn't know that about me either. No one agrees, it just... comes. Needs no invitation or permission.

The grief is something particular and relative, each person feels in their own way, for a determined period. One of the most important things about this is to externalize the pain. To keep this inside is awful, could bring worse consequences than feel our feelings, be our own shelter. And Karen doesn't understand, she thinks that if she "overcame" Ariel's death, I must do the same and it has to be on her way.

Very exhausting.

If on that day I already had that attack only by thinking about the possibility of meeting my parents, I can't even imagine what could have happened if they came in fact. Zaynie helped me a lot, my thoughts were unbearable, and she brought me relief, lightness. Best of all, she didn't leave after seeing me like that. Right the opposite! So much that we're dating now.

"Hi." I accepted Louis' call.

"Hello, pothead. Are you with Zaynie? Come to my place, Harry is here."

"No, she's with her mom. This invitation is only if I'm with her?"

"No, you dink! One more reason for you to come. You coming?"

"I will."

"Be ready in twenty minutes, we're going to buy some ganja, soon we'll be at your place."

"So nice to hear! See ya."

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"Hey, hello." I closed the door after getting in Louis' car.

"Liam, you should tell us: How is the sensation of being a teacher that controls 7 years old children?"

"It is exhausting and pleasurable." I open the window to breathe better. "When we choose to be open to them, we also have to know about their questions that will come together. Children want every single answer even though their questions don't seem to make sense, and they are never satisfied. That's great, this thirst for knowledge. Differently, the adults have to be delicated, most of them do not understand this side."

"Payne, Liam. Pedagogue." Louis comments in a cool way.

"Are you guys alright?" I say. "Nice to meet you, I'm Liam."

"I'm Lupi." We greet each other by shaking hands.

"I'm good. What about you?" Harry answers my question. He's the driver.