[eng] Leave My Shit Outside ; Ziam

y ; MOUTH SO DRY I COULD CRACK MY TONGUE

⚠️ the next scenes can be sensitive to some people. be careful while reading, please ⚠️

Words: 3,3K

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ZAYNIE'S POV

It's difficult for trans people to receive sincere affection, in a spontaneous way, and even when it happens we have to convince ourselves about being true and lasting. Infallibly insecurity comes at some point with this fear of a possibility of being another lovelessness, but this is a moment that partnership becomes so necessary. The other part, beyond ourselves, has to recognize our difficulties and its importance with patience. And vice versa.

Even though, after all, seems that everything is taken from us, trans people. I find myself obligated to don't loose my control even if I'm inside the hurricane, the apocalypse.

"Lady, can you hear me?" A fireman asks me and I answer anything. My eyes are fixed on an unconscious Liam by my side inside the car. We are upside down after flipping over a few times.

"We're going to get you out of here, right? You gonna be fine."

To be honest I don't feel that things gonna be alright, and even if I'm trying not to think like this, I can't stop. My heart feels about to fall from my mouth, I can even feel my body hair goosebumps trying to exhale all this anxiety. I'd probably got a few scratches, but Liam seems to have hit his head.

"Liam, Liam, Liam..." I repeat as a mantra while I'm crying. "LIAM! Please, let me see my Liam."

"There're people taking care of him, right? You should try to think about your own." A rescuer keeps talking. "Can you tell me your full name?"

"Zaynie Raja Malik. Where is Liam?"

The way no one tells me nothing about my boyfriend's condition makes me angry. I'm feeling fucking afraid, almost pooping myself, I can't stop crying and nobody says nothing! My Liam can not die like this.

We went to the hospital in different ambulances. Even with these bad thoughts, I'm trying very hard to find faith and bravery to keep praying for Liam.

'Cause of the enormous tiredness, I end up sleeping at some point.

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I open my eyes in a sudden click, as if they never had the permission to get closed, to find myself laying down in a room with other people, but I have no sign of Liam. Something on my arm stops me from getting up.

"Nurse!" I call out loud. The air is not entering properly, my muscles are restless, I feel distressed.

"Hello, how can I help you?" She gently pushes me to lay back down, then checks something behind me.

"I h-have to know about my boyfriend, we were at the same car."

"What's his name?"

"Liam James Payne."

"Gonna try to figure something out, OK? But at first you need to calm down too."

"I can't breathe well." Is it similar to Liam's bronchitis attack? It's a horrible sensation, feels like a beginning of a seizure for me.

The nurse calls someone, doing something, then an oxygen mask is on my face.

"Liam..." I can barely say.

(⁠~⁠_⁠~⁠メ⁠)

LIAM'S POV

Pain. A mind-blowing pain. The body one is almost not important when compared to this pain in my head and neck. Without moving too much I'm able to hear my heart bips and notice these venous acess on my arm and hand. What the fuck is happening?