Erkenci Kuş: Broken Promises

Part 4: Can

Song: Hard To Say I'm sorry by Chicago, covered by Jason Derlakta (Lyrics)

Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say, from each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say, I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
And after all that you've been through
I will make it up to you, I promise you, baby
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Not for a day, from your body
Baby, I can't live without you, not even for a day
Wouldn't wanna be swept away
Far away from the one that I love

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really wanna tell you I'm sorry
Oh, I could never let you go

And after all that we've been through
I will make it up to you, I promise you
And after all that's been said and done
You're just a part of me I can't let go

I can't let go

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As he wound his truck through the Istanbul evening traffic, he felt sick to his stomach. How could he have dismissed her so summarily? How could he have believed she was a part of Fabri's scheming? A myriad of thoughts bounced around his head making him dizzy.

His mind went back to earlier that morning when the usually placid Leyla had barged into his office despite him indicating he didn't want to be disturbed.

Just like her younger sister had done the day before, Leyla had placed some paper in front of him. And just like he'd done with Sanem, he asked Leyla what they were.

A red haze had danced before his eyes as he simultaneously read the document and listened to Leyla explain how they'd fallen out of Sanem's folder when she'd come to his house to show them to him.

Emre! His own flesh and blood. His only sibling. Emre had been conniving and conspiring with that viper, Aylin.

Pushing away the thoughts of what had ensued afterwards was the only way forward. He no longer had a brother. The sooner he came to terms with the fact, the better for all concerned.

He hadn't been able to breathe properly all day. As he turned the corner to the one place he knew his respiratory system would be restored to full function and find its rhythm again, he spotted her.

Hugging her knees to her chest, her dark auburn hair held in a bun atop her head, she sat facing the Bosphorus. Her light windbreaker billowed in in the wind as her shoulders heaved in sobs. The heavy weight that had lodged itself on his insides felt even heavier. Longing to wrap her in his arms and comfort her, indecision and desire warred within. He couldn't take his eyes off her but his legs wouldn't actually move towards her.

After watching her for a few minutes, he turned and left. He wasn't ready to face her just yet.

***

The next morning, after another fitful night, instead of going to the agency, he found himself heading to Sanem's Mahalle. Conflicting emotions battled for supremacy: anger, grief, hope, despair, love, joy. He had no plan, no clue what he would do when he stood before her. Though he felt betrayed by her actions and couldn't imagine how they could continue in a relationship, he also couldn't let her go. He parked his truck just outside the bakkal and spotted her through the floor-to-ceiling shop window. She was helping herself to some of the chocolate for sale. He couldn't stop the smile that spread out on his face as she tried, futilely, to stop the packets from tumbling off the shelf.

Clearing his throat to get her attention, he watched as she froze at first, then slowly turned around to face him.

In response to her raised eyebrows, he held up her resignation letter. "You can't leave the agency." He declared, pretty pleased with himself for not spewing out all the emotions churning up inside him.

"Why?" she asked.

"Erm...erm...Aha, because you owe the company money." He blurted out after his brain had been scrambling for a suitable reply to her query. As soon as the words came out, before he'd even noticed the frown that creased her forehead, he knew they'd been the wrong ones to utter.

"I know I owe the company money and I have said I will pay back every cent. I am not a thief." Her words flew out like fiery darts, and if looks could burn, Can knew he would have been incinerated into a smouldering heap of ashes by now.

Backtracking quickly, he held up his hands as if in surrender. "We have a new campaign and I need you."

The dark cloud floated away from Sanem's face replaced by a tentative smile. "Sen? Ben? You need me?" She pointed at him first, then at herself.

"Erm...we...the agency needs you...for the campaign." Can mumbled.

Time seemed to stand still as they both stood in silence. Can knew he was being egoistic, not wanting to be with her but wanting her to be in his life. He just didn't know how he could get past her lies.

"Can bey, I resigned. I don't work for the agency any more. If that's all you came to say, you can leave now. Hoşçakal" Arching her brow haughtily, Sanem waved to the door and walked up to a customer who was browsing some items on the other side of the store.

Can cursed under his breath.

"Görüşürüz!" She replied, waving to the departing customer pointedly ignoring Can as she busied herself arranging the stock.

"Sanem." She didn't turn.

"Sanem." Trying to tamp down the frustration rising in his voice, he pinched the bridge of his nose to calm himself down. Fat load of good it did him!

"Sa-NEM, Lütfen!"

Sanem exhaled loudly. Slowly, she faced him, her arms crossed tightly across her chest, her eyes downcast.

"Bana bak." His voice gentled. "I'm sorry. I should have listened to you."

"Yesterday, you asked me what there was to say. I spent the night thinking of it, and well, I have a lot to say, Can bey." Casting a mutinous glance at him, Sanem squared her shoulders 

"So I lied. That was despicable. You didn't deserve it. But I believed your brother. You have to understand why. He has been my sister's boss for years and she trusts him implicitly. And you, you were this fun-loving adventurer who just swanned in to take over the business he had slaved in for years. Everyone knew that it wouldn't be long before your insatiable wanderlust would have you roaming off on your next adrenaline-filled escapade.

Sanem held up her hand as Can made to speak. "I'm not finished. But this is neither the time nor the place. Can we meet at the rocks this evening?"

He stifled a rueful chuckle at her choice of destination for their chat. The 'cursed rocks', he'd taken to calling them as they always seemed to argue when they were there. He wanted to suggest somewhere else but her eyes issued him a challenge. Though on the receiving end of her ire, Can couldn't help the respect he felt for her. This was a side of Sanem he'd caught only brief glimpses of in the past, such as when she'd berated Ihsan for taking over her father's grocery store.

Quintessential Can would have stormed out and never looked back. But he wasn't that Can anymore. He had changed. Sanem had changed him. Knowing what he now knew, he owed it to her to hear her out. He found himself nodding in response to her question.

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Turkish phrases translated:

Mahalle - neighbourhood

Bakkal - Grocery store

Sen – You

Ben - Me

Hoşçakal – Goodbye

Görüşürüz – See you

Lütfen – Please

Bana bak – Look at me