Erkenci Kuş: Broken Promises

Part 3: Sanem

Song: Speak by Lloyiso (Lyrics)

Oh, I can feel you out of reach
Oh, I can see the way you look at me
This hollow space here in between
Lately, you've been drifting, drifting further away from me

Speak, speak, let all the curtains fall down
Speak, speak, go on and say it out loud
I would rather you just break my heart
Than leave me hanging on the edge of what was once
Speak, speak, don't let this love hold you down

Don't think you need me any more, oh-oh
Don't think you'd mind if I walk out the door, oh, oh
You believe that I don't wanna talk
Lately, you've been drifting, drifting further away from me

Speak, speak, let all the curtains fall down
Speak, speak, go on and say it out loud
I would rather you just break my heart
Than leave me hanging on the edge of what was once
Speak, speak, don't let this love hold you down

Oh-ooh, oh-ooh, don't let this love hold you down
Oh-ooh, oh-ooh, don't let this love hold you down
I would rather you just break my heart
Then leave me hanging on the edge of what was once

Speak, speak, don't let this love hold you down
Speak, speak, let all the curtains fall down
Speak, speak, go on and say it out loud
I would rather you just break my heart
Than leave me hanging on the edge of what was once

Speak, speak, don't let this love hold you down

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Coming to the agency had taken all her courage and strength. She didn't think she could handle Can looking at her like she was nothing special. Still reeling from the night before, she wanted to stay as far away as possible. 'You're just like every other employee.' Though hours had passed since he'd said those words, the stabbing pain still throbbed in her chest. The sore, so raw, still oozed and wept. But her need to not be beholden to Fabri outweighed everything else. Besides, she had done nothing to be ashamed about. This time, that is. Admittedly, she had lied or omitted telling Can the truth in the past, but not this time. This time, she was just as much a victim as he was. So why should she hide?

She folded her arms across her chest, eyeballed Fabri and told him to be careful. What happened couldn't ever happen again or she would not work with him. She could see she'd got through to him.

All the while, she was keenly aware of Can watching them. She wanted to but she didn't dare look at him, too afraid of the censure she would see in his eyes. If she never saw the coldness in his eyes again for as long as she lived, it would still be too soon.

Content that Fabri had got the message, she felt a sense of accomplishment. One task down; one more to go. A cursory glance over the sheet of paper she clutched in her hands revealed she'd failed to sign it. Shutting her eyes tightly, she puffed out a breath, and, as though walking the gangplank, made her way to Leyla's office until Ceycey stop her. She patiently waited as he prattled on about how proud he was at how she'd handled Fabri so professsionally, then tried to sidestep him.

"Where are you going, Sanem?" Ceycey asked, fiddling with the straps of his suspenders.

Waving a piece of paper in his face, she replied, "To hand in my resignation." And she marched off to Leyla's office, leaving a hyperventilating, speechless Ceycey behind.

The sheet of paper she had folded and unfolded and was no looking more like it belonged in the bin rather than on the desk of her boss.

"Surely it can't be that difficult to find paper in an advertising agency of all places!" She muttered as she rummaged through stacks of paper on her sister's desk, before moving to the drawers and shelves. Abruptly, her hand stilled and her eyes widened. Hand trembling, she pulled out two sheets of paper, her eyes skimming over the printed words. Breath whooshed out of her as her brain scrambled to make sense of how the document had come to be here - in her sister's office drawer. Surely, her eyes deceived her, but the words in bold, 'PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENT BETWEEN AYLIN YÜKSEL and EMRE DIVIT' confirmed there was no deception.

Just then, her sister entered the room. "Sanem, what are you doing?" Leyla's voice shook and her large eyes grew even wider.

"What is this document doing in your office?" Sanem grated out.

"Sis, it's not what you think?" Leyla pleaded, reaching out to Sanem who took a step back still waving the sheets in the air.

"How do you know what I'm thinking?" Sanem sniggered as her eyes glazed over with tears. "You spoke to Emre bey and he asked you to steal this from me. You will do whatever he asks you to."

"No, it wasn-"

"Never mind, I don't need it anymore." Sanem cut in. She had had enough. Everyone and everything was turning against her. It was time to end this. "I'm tired of your lies and deception."

Shoving past her distraught sister who was still trying to explain herself, Sanem rushed to Can's office.

With one last pep talk from her inner voice, she knocked but didn't give him a chance to invite her in before she went in. Placing the rumpled sheet of paper on his desk, she folded her arms and waited.

The ghost of a smile which had flitted on Can's face on her arrival disappeared as he looked down at the paper then back up at her. "What's this?"

Sadness threatened to stifle her as mourned the loss of his smile. For a brief moment, she almost forgot that he was mad at her, that he'd so easily cast her aside.

"My resignation letter. I told you last night that I'd resign. I thought I should make it official."

Can sighed, stood and slowly stalked towards her. She held her breath, waiting, but she would not cower.

"Are you really doing this? Can sighed. "This is final?"

Tears stung her eyes but she would not, could not let them fall. She wouldn't show him how weak she was. She couldn't let him know that what he could see was just a facade. On the inside, she was broken, undone, untethered.

"It is," Sanem replied resolutely, hugging her bag to her chest. If I am just like every other employee, it shouldn't matter to you that I am leaving.

If the situation were not so dire, Sanem would have laughed out loud. It was Can who had believed in her, encouraged her to write, made her feel like she could take on the world. It was also the same Can who tried to clip the very wings he'd helped her learn to soar with.

Her heart raced a hundred miles an hour. If you ask me to stay, I'll- No, she couldn't allow those words give her hope. Steeling her her heart, her mind set like flint, she withstood his scrutiny. As he'd told her it was over. "Bitti!" The sooner she accepted, the sooner she could start to heal.

She was tired. Tired of fighting for love. Fighting being undermined. Fighting to prove that she was good enough. Her mind went back to how Emre, Aylin and Polen had made her feel – small and unworthy of Can. She may not be everyone's cup of tea but she didn't have to be. She just had to be her unique self, and if that wasn't good enough for anyone, tough! Love shouldn't be this hard.

She started to walk towards the door.

"Why, Sanem?" Can's soft question stopped her in her tracks. It was almost her undoing.

Whipping around, she took a few steps towards him. "I can't work with someone who doesn't understand me, who doesn't give me the benefit of doubt, who doesn't appreciate my worth."

"Sanem, what's there to say?" Can asked, tilting his head as he tried to get her to make him understand. His eyes were different today but her mind was in such turmoil, she couldn't bring herself to read what they were communicating.

"There's nothing more to say, Can bey. Good bye." Sanem replied, before walking out the door.

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Turkish phrases translated:

Bitti - It's over