Erkenci Kuş: Broken Promises

Part 10: Sanem

Song: Rhianna's What Now? Lloyiso's cover

I've been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn't be crying
Tears were for the weaker days
I'm stronger now, or so I say
But something's missing

Whatever it is
It feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is
It's just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (Wait it out)
What now? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What now?

I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I'm supposed to be in love
But I'm numb again

Whatever it is
It feels like it's laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is
It's just sitting there laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (Wait it out)
What now? Please tell me
What now?

There's no one to call 'cause I'm just playing games with them all
The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone
'Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I can't even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (Wait it out)
What now? Somebody tell me
What now?

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh-oh why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh-oh why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know oh-oh why
So what now?

******

Sanem gazed around the relatively small but functional waiting room. Colourful posters of a plethora of animals were dotted around on the magnolia walls. Two terracotta pots flanked the sofa on which she was sitting on both sides. The tall philodendrons leaned towards each other at almost-ceiling height, their leaves touching and fanning out into a viridian canopy in the otherwise plain room. On the rectangular wood-veneered coffee table were neat stacks of animal-themed magazines and leaflets.

Apart from the peppy receptionist at the front desk, who'd welcomed her and asked her to wait when she'd arrived earlier, she was alone. It was pretty quiet though the silence was occasionally broken by the tinkling of the phone and the receptionist's muted voice as she answered it.

She fiddled with the strap of her cross-body bag as her heart pounded so hard, she feared it would leap out of her chest. The staccato ticking from the owl-shaped clock hanging on the wall behind the front desk seemed to echo loudly in the room.

Waiting was not her strong suit. The downtime just encouraged her overactive imagination to conjure up all kinds of wild scenarios. Twiddling her thumbs, she licked her parched lips, wishing hadn't turned down the receptionist's offer of a drink a few minutes ago but the thought of imbibing anything twisted her stomach in knots.

"Good job you didn't have a drink, Sanemsie. With the fluttering of those butterflies, scratch that, more like bats in your tummy, you would surely have regurgitated your stomach's contents on to the carpets. Hardly the way to make an impression now, is it?"