The Trilogy: Smuts & One-Shots

Heartbreak & Tears-: Sebastian Stan

Part One:

We had been fighting for months. Jealousy fuming through his body and growing hotter each day, thinking I wanted my co-star. I tried everything to prove to him that I wanted no else but him, but it wasn't working. He was fixed on me wanting someone else, and that just wasn't true. I wanted him and no one else. My mind rained with him. He was embedded in my heart. Nothing takes the place of him. Nothing could.

My mind was wrapped in a book when I heard Sebastian walk into the bedroom. I smile at him, hoping for one in return and the heat to leave the atmosphere. He doesn't smile, instead he just stares at me. Taking off his coat before sitting on the edge of the bed, his back toward me.

"Sebastian?" I say quietly.

"Don't, Y/n." He says sternly.

I close my book and sit it on the black wood nightstand placed on my side of the bed. I turn to him, grabbing his shoulders but he places his hand on mine. His hands are hot as he pushes me away from him. Hurt filling my heart at the motion. Tears gather in my eyes, begging me to release them.

"I said don't."

I sigh.

"What do I have to do to prove to you I don't want anyone else but you."

Sebastian lets out a laugh. It's loud, bouncing off the walls that surround us. My stomach drops. Pain strikes my chest as if I can feel my heart breaking into millions of pieces. Each piece screaming at me to fix this. Fragments of myself falling with the pieces of my once beating heart.

"I see the way you look at him, Y/n. I watch him. He stares at you with such desire and you fucking let him. You let him put his hands low on your back." His voice cracks. "He wants you and you don't reject him. Why? I know you can see it just as much as me. He wants to fuck you, and you give him hope."

"I don't want him, Sebastian.." I say, getting off the bed. I walk over to where he's sitting and stand in front of him.

Instead of meeting my eyes, he looks away. His face red with anger as he tries to contain himself. I can see the rage building up in his body. He clenched his hands into fist. His jaw is tight, showing the muscles underneath his skin. For a second, I'm scared. I know he wouldn't hurt me. He doesn't want to hurt me, but he's hurting. I study his face. Watching him as he clenches his jaw, trying to stop the tears that are fighting to break free from his eyes. Maybe I should be the one to walk away. He can't even look at me without breaking apart. But I can't bring myself to do that. I want to hold him. Feel his skin against mine as I soak in all of his hurt and make it my own. Take away all of his pain and feel it for myself. I want to feel his breath on my neck like I have many times before. Comforting him as he lets out every single ounce of agonizing pain he holds within himself until he doesn't feel it anymore.

I walk closer to him, but he leans back. He still doesn't look at me. He's looking toward our tv that takes up space on our wall across from our bed. His eyes are glued to anything other than me.

"Sebastian. Look at me."

He ignores me. His hands now gripping his thighs. His knuckles turned white. I'm sure if the pants he was wearing didn't cover his legs you could see red marks from how tight he's holding onto himself. Holding onto his sanity.

"Y/n." He says. His voice is weak causing a wave of his sadness to flow through the room and crash into me. "I've never seen you look at a man the way you looked at him. You look so in love when you look at him. You smile so wide. You look so happy. You want him." He says, looking at me. A tear falling from his eyes.

For a second, I forget we're fighting. When his eyes are on me I forget everything. His eyes are so blue. Tears stain his cheeks the longer he waits for me to say something.

"No I don't, Sebastian. I don't want him. He's just a co-star. We're getting to know each other. This movie isn't going to work if we don't have chemistry."

He swallows. His adams apple climbed up his throat and fell back down. His neck strained as he tried not to break down.

I fight back all the emotions trying to escape from my body. We're both hurting, but he's wrecked. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him. I don't know how else to tell him I love him more than anything this world could offer me. No man could ever take his place. He's built a palace in my heart and he's the king. He'll remain a royal there until I'm dead. No one could take that from him.

"You don't get it. That's how our fucking relationship started. We were just getting to know each other. We were just co-stars at one point. Do you not remember? You let me touch you the same way. You wanted chemistry. But you- you never looked at me the way you look at him."

Sebastian stands up and walks toward me. I try to back away from him but my back hits a wall. He stands in front of me. His face is closer to mine than it's been in months. Tears begin to form in my own eyes, remembering the times I spent with Sebastian while we shot our movie together. Remembering the exact moment I fell in love with him, and knowing he felt the same. If he only knew, it's not the same with my co-star now. If he only knew the amount of time I talked about him. He needs to know. I can't stand to see him like this.

"Yes, I remember. But it's not the same. I'm not falling in love with him. I don't love him. He's nothing more than an acting partner to me. That's it. Nothing more."

"Y/n." He says, his voice shaky as he speaks my name. His breath hits my face as he talks.

"I'm all yours, Sebastian."

He laughs again. His pain falling from his mouth and lacing with the sound that should be out of happiness coming from him.

"I think we need a break, Y/n." He says, a tear falling from his face and hitting me as he stares down at me. He places a hand on the wall beside my head. His other hand rested on my cheek.

I let myself liquify into a puddle. My world is ending in front of me. I'm losing the love of my life and I can't stop it.

"I love you." I told him. My voice is gone from my body.

"I love you more than you'll ever know, Y/n. But in order for this to work, I have to allow you to explore these feelings you're obviously having. I'm clouding you. I can tell. Even if you can't, I can. I can see the love in your eyes when you look at him. I know it, because it was the look you once shared with me. There's just something I can't place. Something in the way your face lights up when you see him. I don't know that, Y/n. You may love me, but you're allowing yourself to love someone else at the same time. You can't have us both."

I feel empty. My body is empty. I have no heart. No organs. I am nothing if he's gone.

"Sebastian."

"Listen to me."

I nod.

"I want you to walk out that door. I want you to leave. Figure out what you want because right now I'm not sure you actually know, and if I'm the one you want then come back. I'll be here."

I want him. My whole body is screaming I want him, but I know I have to do this. He's not going to allow me not to. I have to leave. I have to give in to his request. If I don't this may end way worse than it should. He may never love me the same, but I'll always love him.

"I don't want him, Sebastian, but I'll leave. If that's what you need me to do. I'll leave." I say.

Sebastian plants a kiss on my head. I sob at the feeling of his lips, not knowing if this is the last time I'll ever feel the softness of his lips again. I watch Sebastian as he steps back and takes a seat back on the bed. I let tears fall from my eyes as I turn and begin to walk out the room, preparing myself to leave my world behind me.

"Y/n." He whispers, causing me to stop my steps. "I hope you come back."

I smiled to myself, my back still turned to him.

"I know you need time, but I'll be back. I'll always be yours."