Lighter to my heart || hyunlix

Chapter 7

Hyunjin's Pov

The disappointing feeling embraces me all . I had to leave the trip early this morning because of my father's call. Nothing goes right when me and him talk , so I kept my distance. There's no use anyway, nothing could bring us close like we used to be when my mom was still alive.

I stand motionless in front of his office door. Something tells me to turn and leave this place but my legs won't move.  I fear that it's something really important, he usually doesn't call me , just sends money, that's it.

I take a deep breath , I calm myself and think about Felix. I have to keep fighting for him.
I knock and I hear his rough voice .

-"Come in."

I open the door , eishing it will be over soon.
I head to his desk and take a seat on a chair in front of him. He doesn't even look at me. Pathetic. I'm your own soon.

-"I know we aren't close.." he clears his voice " ... son, but I'll have to tell you something ."

-"Go agead."  I start shaking my leg. This isn't good."

-" I want you to take my steps and have my company, since next year is your last and you'll have to look for jobs. I thought about it and it's a must."

-"That's how you're gonna put it? Telling me what to do?"
-"It's the best option for yourself, you know, you have to start taking-"
-"Taking care of myself?Yeah I get it , I thought I would never hear that from you again."
-" You are close to finishing three years of coll-"
-"Save it, Father! "
-"Whoah ! What's with that shit?!"
-"I won't do it! I mean...Jesus! Why does it even matter to you so much?! You never cared a bit since mom died!"
-"Don't you dare bring your mother in this! And you-"
-" Oh shit. Let me guess!I'll understand better when I'm going to be a father?"
-"What ?"
-" Touch a nerve?"
-" I'm about to."
-"Then better not contact me again. We'll never be as close as before! Get that in your fucking head."
I storm out , hot tears forming in the corner of my eyes. I feel like shit. I'm tired of trying to keep the water warm.I feel a lump in my throat and I try to swallow it. My vision becomes blurry from all the tears threatening to spill and I know this time I won't be able to blink them away.
I start running ,wishing no one could see me.

———————————————————————————

I open the dorm's door and slam it.
I place my shoes near the entrance and make my way to the bathroom. I take a look at myself in the mirror.
I feel like throwing up.
I let myself slowly slide until I hit the cold bathroom floor. I try to suck it in but I ended up letting my tears fall.
What I literally do not understand , is why It's ok to insult your fucking child so many years and ignore him and then expect to respect you and listen to you , as if you treated them like they deserve to be.
You're supposed to bring your kids self esteem up not shatter it.
I feel how the air just leaves my lungs , letting me without a breath. I start to panic .
I'm not supposed to feel like this.
I'm not supposed to cry.
I hug my legs like a fetus position and just wait for time run .
I hear the door unlock .
No, there's no way.
Why is he home so early?
He shouldn't see me like this.
Wasn't the trip longer?
-"Hyunjin?"
I hear his voice calling out my name. Then all my bad thoughts disappeared in the void of my heart.
I want him not to find me , but at the same time I do.
I want him to tell me that everything is going to be ok.
The bathroom door opens, he probably saw the light turned on. I look up at him and his smile drops.
-"Wait-Hyunjin, what happened?"
He rushes and seats in front of me. I don't even know what to say.
-"Hyunjin, are you ok?Can you speak?"
I feel how the tears kept coming and rolling down my face like a river. I'm so pathetic.
-"I don't- I don't know why I'm crying." My voice shook, it was terrible.
-"It's fine , It's ok , nothing is wrong with that."
-"I'm not weak." I gasped wetly. " I've- I've had worse."
-"I know. Crying doesn't make you weak, alright?"
I takes my head and hugs me , pressing my face into his chest. I place my hands on hi back , hugging him back and just cry.
-"It's alright , take your time. No one's judging you."
I can't believed I cried like a baby in his arms.

———————————————————————————

The air is thick with condensation and a dull roar, much like a snare drum, reverberates across the sky. Trees cower from the harsh wind while leaves soar through the air.

A steady drizzle of rain begins to descend from somber clouds; crystal tears landing silently on the pavement. Opaque puddles gather along the crevices and cracks of the soggy ground. Incandescent lightning illuminates the sky and is shortly followed by a deafening rumble.

Due to the disruptive, uncontrollable nature of weather, rainstorms can cause stress; however, in the right frame of mind, a storm can be quite calming. With the soothing sound of rain falling, cool, dreary appearance, and warm humid breezes, a storm can be a most relaxing natural setting.

I love hearing and feeling the rain.
I take a look at my watch. It's past 2 a.m. in the morning. I couldn't fall asleep so I decided to smoke a cigarette on the balcony.

I don't understand why talking with my father made me breakdown so badly.I don't get it why it affected me so much if we didn't even kept in touch.
In the end, it hurts more than it should.
I trow the cigarette in the ashtray and go back inside.
I try not to make any noise because Felix was sleeping peacefully .

I entered the bedroom and suddenly heard a loud noise. It seemed like a storm was coming. I glance at Felix, he was trembling in his sleep. I head to his bed . I don't want to wale
him up but he seems cold and scared.
I think for a minute , not knowing if I should do it.

I think it might help me. When I was little and there were storms at night, I used to be so scared and my mom would cuddle me to sleep.

I lift up his blanket enough just for me to get in the bed. I get closer to him , feeling his body heat. I slide my hands around his waist and pull him closer. I let my head rest on his shoulder. This should help him.