Dear Lee Heeseung ⚊ Letter Series #7 [ new ]

letter thirty five

dear lee heeseung,

i guess this is it. i didn't take them today. once i go to sleep, i'll never wake up again anyway.

and so i'll write everything that i want to say here in my very last letter while i still can.

if jake still hadn't spill to you, i have a disease and it was the same cancer his girl had died on. leukemia. i've known it for a while now. since that time i passed out on our beach trip. i know that i told you that i was just tired from the hot weather but i lied.

and i'm sorry, hee.

i'm so sorry for putting you through this. you should never have to go through such pain again, not after what you'd experienced from the leader and your longest friend from enhypen.

i'm so sorry for everything.

please forgive me, hee.

i feel so selfish, but please don't forget me and all the things we did. the happy things.

please remember me because i'll remember you in my numbered days in this life.

i won't forget the first time i visited in enhypen's shooting site and you were the first member to greet me, to ask me to be your friend.

i won't forget our first prank together in the dorm where we decorated the maknaes room with jay's pictures and how it made sunoo's scream, it echoed in the whole place.

i won't forget our christmas together with baby jay. when you told me you'll marry me even if you're aware that i won't ever love you just like i felt for him.

i won't forget when the rest of you told me about how almost all of you have received letters from each girl and how we spent hours reading through it where i cried the most for jake's girl.

they were literally calling each other the sun and moon of one another.

i won't forget how you, jake and sunghoon were forced to say goodbye from sunoo and ni-ki when they left for a short vacation to recover from all the terrible events for your group. and i won't forget it especially because the three of you got wasted in the first night and i walked in there the next morning to see you all sleeping in the same room you all first shared in the first day of enhypen.

i won't forget how you stole baby jay from me and only for me to find out he was being passed around in the hybe building where he did go home with many gifts from their artists like kim namjoon.

how cute it is to see my son holding a koya stuffed toy bigger than him.

i won't forget the first time we went to the amusement park and you threw popcorn and cotton candies to those who dared to ruin my baby's special day.

i won't forget the time when sunghoon accidentally threw a snow at you and we had a whole snow fight at the backyard of my house. and how one of the managers face-covered in snow tried to stop it before baby jay threw his first snow ball at him and thus, the fight continued.

and most importantly, what i will never forget the most, that time in the hospital when you asked me you'll act as the father of my son and i spat my banna juice in your face.

when we had our first date at japan.

when you encouraged up jake to talk to the girl in the flower shop, so that he could find happiness again.

that time out in the street you "accidentally" poured your drink to a one bad fan because she keeps on grabbing for baby jay.

and when you tried to take a week off for my baby, you received a punishment but still claimed the look on my baby jay's face to see the penguins in japan, was worth it.

and especially when we sneaked out of the house one night to take a road trip and we spent hours out there.

and when i had planned for a whole day for you to experience a horror carnival, only for it to start raining the same day so we ended up in a simple arcade instead.

and also thank you for being a good father to baby jay. i'm hugging him right now and he's all filled with my tears.

and for all the fun times we had together.

for that, thank you, lee heeseung.

i thank you for always being so kind and caring and at the same time, goofy and loud. you never fail to make me laugh. i swear, hee, i'd love for my baby to be like you.

it's getting a bit hard to breath now and i noticed my baby's hold on me is tightening.

baby jay is also looking like as if i would disappear right in front of him.

it hurts to know that he'll never see me again tommorow, hee..

and once again, i'm sorry for hurting you.

but i hope that me leaving without saying goodbye in personal would made it easier for you to move on from my death. if it didn't, then curse me for being stupid even in my last breath.

if it wouldn't work, then here i am telling you, lee heeseung:

move on. remember me but please move on.

i'm telling you, hee, do not hold onto me for too long. it's not going to be healthy.

don't close yourself up. please let your friends and my baby help you.

and most importantly, i would be happy if you find someone else. you deserve to be happy, hee.

find someone that will make you happy again.

find someone who will love and cherish you for you.

find someone who will love you more than i did.

i hope you remember how jay thinks the world of you. and i don't know about you, but whenever i dreamt of him, i think about the time we were all at your dorm with him and jungwon in one christmas night and we all bought ugly sweaters and we have a winner by the end of the night.

then we spent the rest of christmas eating jay's cooked food and gifting one another and planning what it would be like for the new year.

and please remember hee, those who love us never really leave us. there are things the death cannot touch.

stay safe, heeseung.

at last, i can meet him again up there.

this is a goodbye,
park y/n