Actor(Oshi no ko)

I'll Lie Again Hoping It Becomes The Truth

Hey guys.

Slightly awkward since I said that childhood arc is done but turns out it isn't yet.

My bad.

I thought about Aikara's direction from here on and I decided on this, but I needed some more childhood chapters to show this.

(Aikara POV)

It's been a whole week since Ai's funeral, and at the moment, it's just Aqua, Ruby, Miyako, and me inside the apartment. Everyone else is fast asleep, while I find myself out on the balcony, gazing up at the starry night sky above.

It reminds me of another beautiful night like this, back when I was living my previous life with the Anderson family. The stars have always held a mesmerizing quality, and as I lean against the railing, a gentle breeze caresses my face.

Tonight, there's a touch of nostalgia in the air. It was on a night like this when I made the decision to conceal my true self, to pretend and deceive others in order to gain their affection since I knew deep down that who I really was wouldn't be enough.

Now, after a week has passed since Ai's tragic departure, my mind has had time to settle, allowing me to do some serious introspection.

And during this period of contemplation, I've come to a realization.

I don't want revenge.

Don't misunderstand me, I still burn with a fierce desire to avenge my mother's murder. That hasn't changed.

The words I spoke that day, in front of Aqua, they were genuine. All the negative emotions I experienced—the guilt, the hatred, the self-loathing, the grief, and the despair—were undeniably real. They weren't an act.

Yet, amidst this whirlwind of negative emotions, at my core, I remain someone who values love and yearns to be loved.

That fundamental aspect of my being will never alter, no matter what life throws at me.

And because it's a constant part of me, even now, I crave validation and love from others, especially from my current family.

Miyako, Aqua, Ruby—

I truly love you all more than words can express.

You have no idea the depth of my affection for each one of you.

To maintain your love, I acted and placed a persona all these years as I carefully studied your personalities.

And because of that, I know that these negative emotions swirling inside me will hinder me from receiving your love.

If I were to act upon these emotions, I know it would only cause you worry, and that's the last thing I want.

It would contradict my deepest desires, which are to earn your validation and receive your love.

That's why, much like I did as Noah Anderson, I will don a mask. I'll happily throw away my entire being to receive your love. 

And unlike last time where I lost my true self because of ignorance, I will place on the mask with the intention to lose my true self once again.

Because this time, I'll place on a mask, hoping that one day, my facade will overshadow my true self, and I'll continue to receive other's love.

And what better mask to put on than Ai?

She has been a pillar of strength for our family, providing a safe haven for us triplets in this new life. By becoming her, I can step into that role and support our family.