The Unrequited Love

XXI

Hanahaki:
A fictional illness in which a person bearing an unrequited love coughs up flower petals until they die or their feelings are reciprocated.

×××××

The unwilling can't be helped. Cooperation is needed for therapy to work. And I was being nothing but a stubborn kid, holding onto his open wound. 

Jimin sighed."It's been two years since he died and I'm still not able to forgive myself. Not able to let go. On his death anniversary, I feel so low, I can't shrug off the feeling that if not for my mistake, Dong Chul would've existed. He would be living in his house and having the time of his life."

"I do not know now what can console me. I drink a lot on that day, to feel better, but even alcohol doesn't numb my pain.." Jimin's voice broke off. It seemed like tears were going to stream down his cheeks, but there was not even a drop in his eyes. They just had a far off look. 

He looked at me again and continued."You know the day you saw me? When I was drunk? It was the day he had died. You entered my life on that day, and I don't know how…your life was so similar to Dong Chul's. You were tricked by your boyfriend. He robbed you of everything you ever had. Just like I had done to Dong Chul."

He held my hand, eyes now watering."It was as if the universe had given me a second chance, to save another Dong Chul, to finally rest my aching heart. And that Y/n, is my reason for helping you. So please, don't ever think of dying. I..."

"...I can't forgive myself."

My eyes had tears like his own. This was what he lived with everyday. This was what ate him right to his bones. This was the hidden reason behind his motives of helping me. This was why he said thank you when I agreed to his plan of fake dating. This was why he was desperate to make me get Jungkook back. This was why he wanted me to be free of the Hanahaki.

"I'm sorry for your loss," was all I could say to him.

"Mr. Park," the doctor interrupted."We need to run a check up for her. You might want to wait outside."

Wordlessly, Jimin made his exit, while the doctor started running my check up. Throughout, I thought about Jimin and I could imagine the pain that resided in him.

I felt sympathy for him for the first time. He was annoying and irritating, I knew, but now that I had seen this side of him, I understood that living on was tough for him. The annoyingness and irritating side of him was a mask to his depressed self, so that people would stay away from him.

"Why would you come for me? I'm as good as a stranger to you."

"We WERE strangers. We are friends now. I'm your friend. And a friend in need is a friend indeed."

And that moment was when I had decided. My friend needed me this time, just like I needed him back then. I had set my mind on it. I was not going to let it pass, let my friend suffer.

~~~

A couple hours later Jimin was granted access to me again. When he entered, all he found was me staring at the wall.

"The doctor said," he said, taking a seat on the stool beside me."You'll be discharged tomorrow." He then put his hand on mine."How are you feeling? Or do you want to rest for one more day?"

"Jimin-ssi, stop helping me."

Jimin was confused."Why would you say that?"

"Because I'm not the one you want to really help." I looked at him."I'm not Dong Chul."

"I know, but–"

"I am Ahn Y/n. Saving me will not bring Dong Chul back. Neither will it save another Chul nor will it wash away what you've done."