The Unrequited Love

XXV

Hanahaki:
A fictional illness in which a person bearing an unrequited love coughs up flower petals until they die or their feelings are reciprocated.

×××××

"Maybe we could live peacefully one day."

~~~

We reached home, after buying something to apply on my face. It was bedtime when I was in front of the mirror, applying the gel to my face. Meanwhile Jimin was making his bed, deeply engrossed in the task. And soon enough we were off into our own beds.

~~~

"Jimin."

"Jimin, save me."

"JIMIN!!!"

Jimin's eyes snapped open. He was sweating profusely and his breathing was heavy, his eyes still seeing the nightmare he had come out of.

"It's okay," he could hear a small voice next to him. Sitting on the floor, his roommate's head rested at the edge of his bed."Breathe," she said gently, and her eyes seemed to contain all the patience in the world.

"Let it pass," she said even more gently and Jimin eased himself into the soft bed, clutching his roommate's hand tight as he did so. And to her surprise he again shifted to make space for her. And the reluctance on her face was back again. Yet without a word, he found her lying next to him, shifting as close as she thought was comfortable for her.

He stared at her, mute tears slowly slipping out of his eyes. As if she understood his pain, she slowly cradled him into her hug as he clung onto her for his dear life.

~~~

The blue of the dawn brought Jimin's sleep to a wake. When his opened to the sight of me, yesterday's night came flooding to his memory. He realized it was the third time that we were sharing the same bed. And he couldn't help but wonder what it felt to me, what I thought about it.

He observed my face, the bruises from yesterday turning to purple. Instinctively, he reached to touch one of the marks before he realized what he was doing.

He backed away and chose not to touch my slumber. The slumber that was deep and abysmal, the face that was devoid of any agony, those eyes that were closed peacefully, those parted lips shushing soft snores.

His mind wandered to yesterday, seeing himself play on the ground. His heart could feel the exhilaration and the high of the sport. For a moment, it felt like he was back into those childhood days. The days in the orphanage, though he considered them as unhappy, which made him feel like another person. The person that he knew he wasn't. Not anymore at least.

But it seemed that yesterday, in his roommate's terms, had managed to knock some sense into him. Or something close to a realization and something far away from understanding.

Now that he began thinking about it, it began to dawn upon him that things weren't as broken as he thought they were. Until now, in his life, he hadn't felt like he would ever be able to forgive himself, ever see the light at the end of the tunnel he was lost in. But after yesterday, he felt something.

He realised he could escape.

He realized there was an escape to his gloominess, and an entrance to living a life he couldn't imagine having back. The realization left his heart skipping a beat as hope held roots in him.

Hope, he thought, was something he hadn't hoped to ever have. But in that fraction of a second, it had all suddenly come unraveling to him and he didn't understand how he was supposed to act.