Reflections-C.L

Sad birds still sing

DW:Mentions of anxiety,alcohol abuse, trauma, toxic relationships and unhealthy habits.

Miami GP

Wednesday 4th May 2022, 11:35 p.m.
Lydia's apartment, Athens, Greece

Lydia's breath shortened as she realized what was happening. She felt like she was choking, like the air was getting sucked out of her lungs. She sat on a chair focusing on breathing exercises, but it didn't work. She looked everywhere around her panicking. Her heart was beating fast and she was starting getting dizzy. Unable to feel her legs, she felt like the earth sucked her in. Anxiety rising more inside her, she felt like her body was giving up, her mind unable to control everything. It was happening again. She was getting a panic attack.

She knew it was going to happen. She felt it. The sleepless nights she had, the sudden anxiety rises,filling her body, her palms sweating at random times, her breath shortening. All those where signals of what was about to happen tonight.

But Lydia tried to ignore them. She didn't want to accept what was going to happen, so when she got one of those symptoms she tried to put them under the rug, reassuring herself that everything was fine. that she was fine.

She couldn't believe that after almost two years it was happening again. They started when she was 14 years old. She was all alone in her room. She didn't know what happened at first but after everything she realized what happened. At first she was in denial but after reading many articles on the internet about the attacks she matched all the symptoms, so she had no choice but accept it.

Her dad never believed her and never acknowledged what was happening. Her mother was no different. She didn't believe her until it happened in front of her. Her mother was scared too, Lydia could she that in her mother's eyes. She always told her that she was going to help her by contacting a doctor but she never did. For the next few days her parents would give her many and gifts, but that was not enough.

So Lydia leant how deal with it and she continued living with it until two years ago, when they stopped. The only person that knew about the attacks, except from her parents, was Daphne.

After a few minutes she was able to gain her breath back. After everything stopped Lydia bursted into tears, grabbing her phone she called Daphne. She did what she used to do all those years.

"Hi Lydia" Daphne said as she answered the call.
"Daphne" Lydia said taking a deep breath.
"Lydia what's wrong?" she said, her voice full of worry.
"It happened again". That's all she said and burst into tears again, unable to hold them back.

A while later Lydia was sitting on her balcony floor. She took the packet of cigarettes in her hand as she took a cigarette out and putting it in her mouth. Lighting up the cigarette she inhaled, that feeling she knew too well filling her brain.

As she took the cigarette of her mouth, exhaling the smoke of the cigarette, a tear fell on her cheek as she remembered what happened. His voice now was filling her head, making her take another inhale of the cigarette, convincing herself that it could help. "You are useless" "You don't deserve anything" "You should die"

As she put off her cigarette another year fell from her eye. Her phone, that was on the phone beside her suddenly buzzed. She took the phone in her hand seeing the notification on the screen.
Charlie ❤️ sent you a message:"Cant wait to see you tomorrow. Good night my Stargirl"

Oh Charles.

Saturday 6th May 2022
Miami Track, 10 minutes before qualifying.

Going to Miami that weekend Lydia was too afraid that it was going to happen again. So she distanced herself from everyone. And especially from him. She didn't want him to grow suspicious so she always told him that she was too tired and she wanted to rest or that she was busy.