Old you - Dua Lipa

9

I called John over today so we can go over my guitar skills since it was sort of a way more difficult than the drums that I already have mastered thanks to him. I was happy he still wanted to do any of this even though I told him I was never going to be available for him.

"Let's see how you're doing then?" He says

I pull up my guitar and play a couple string notes that I think I know and he just sits there staring. He didn't make me nervous like he used to when I was falling for him back then. I just had someone else in my mind and heart now.

"It's really good you just need to not be so scared of messing up here let me show you" he says as he takes my hands and positions them

"John can you um not do that" I say

"Oh yea no problem sorry" he says as he looks down

"No I'm sorry" I say

"Can I ask you something?" He ask

I nod

"Has there been another person this entire time or did I do something to make you dislike me so much? Like are you secretly married or something?"

I've told John before that I just don't love him because I can't feel it for him but even I didn't believe myself when I would tell him so I understand why he's so confused. It wasn't fair to him but I couldn't tell him the truth because he would hate me.

"I don't know trust me I did at some point want this but once I realized it just went away it's not anything to do with you I guess I'm just afraid of it maybe?" I say

"I told you I wouldn't force this anymore and I won't but you have to understand why I'm confused because for a minute there I swear we had something but then out of nowhere it just went away I haven't felt anything for anyone the way I have felt for you but I think it's time for me to accept the fact that it'll never happen unless you tell me you don't want me to"

•flashback•

John and I are finally seeing serious progress in myself with these dumb drums. We were going on multiple dates and it was funny to me that Dua hadn't caught on till today of course.

John and I were at the restaurant we been trying to go to since the first time we decided to go to lunch together but Dua and her boyfriend were there at the time so we didn't want to interfere or at least I was too weak to be near them.

We ordered our food and we kept holding each others hand like we were some high school kids in love or something. Then my eyes grew wide when I saw Dua coming in by herself.

"Are you okay?" John asked laughing

"Um boss is here" I say

I don't know why I was scared for Dua to see me with him maybe because I've been avoiding her more than I should. She hadn't seen me yet but it was just a matter of time till she did.

"Hopefully she doesn't come over here" John says

"Yea hopefully"

We were hoping she wouldn't come over here for different reasons and I really felt bad over it because he deserved way better but Dua and I were just a phase at this point. But like I said it was only a matter of time till she noticed us and there she was heading our way. She didn't smile when she saw me she didn't have any expressions and for the first time I don't know what it meant.

"Oh hey guys" she says now smiling fake smiling

"Hi" John and I both say

"Glad you guys are spending you day off together in this delicious restaurant" she says

"Yea we been meaning to come here for a while but it's always packed" John says

God John why did you have to say that. Why why why? Especially the part where you mention we been wanting to come here for "a while" as if we been together for months but wait we have been not officially but something.

"You guys should have let me know I know the chef" she says with a fake smile again

"Next time thank you" he says

Dua nods and leaves I noticed I did not speak at all while she was talking because I felt guilt as if I was caught doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. But I was wrong because I have every right to enjoy someone because she was doing it.

•present•

I had to have him give up on me because I don't love him yes maybe I love the idea of someone wanting to care for me the way I wish Dua could publicly but that was the thing because apparently she did care and I care about her more than anything else.

"Do it John because even if I tell you to not do it you deserve way better than someone who doesn't know what they want" I say

But I knew what I wanted it just wasn't him. The person I wanted was out there being the best pop star in the world and still had time to even think of me and that's all I needed right now. John is my friend and can possibly be my best friend if we can surpass this but I don't know if he'd ever speak to me if he found out what was going on the entire time.

"Thanks for thinking about my feelings whoever is able to hold your heart will be the luckiest person alive" he says

That made me so sad, I have never broke someone's heart like ever and if this is what it felt like it sucked. It felt like you killed someone and never got arrested for it. Dua was holding my heart and hopefully she won't drop it.

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I have writers block every five minutes so I hope whoever is reading this story is actually enjoying it lol thank u!