Loverboy || Malum

Chapter Twenty Four

August 2011 (that ^^ or >> is me. i promise i have eyebrows)

C A L U M ' S P O V

I've spent the last few days trying to figure out exactly where everything went wrong, what I could have done differently to keep everything together. I questioned if any of this could be fixed in the first place.

I missed being young. I didn't have to worry about anything other than my stupid math homework that I never seemed to understand, but Michael always understood so he came over. I missed walking with Michael to school, walking home with him, hanging out with him, just being with him in general. And it wasn't only Michael I missed being with. I missed spending time with Luke and Ashton. We talked, and see each other at football practice, but that was it. We never spent any time together outside. I miss hanging out with my friends and the people I cared about more than the world and not giving a fuck about anything but their safety.

Most importantly, I missed Michael.

We're starting junior year in September, meaning we have two years until we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives. I barely passed sophomore year; I don't even know how I will manage to pass junior and senior year since they were the most important years of high school.

We're meant to pick our courses to what we wanted to do for the future, but I didn't know what I wanted to do, and I didn't want to think about it either. It felt like everything was suddenly pilling up on me. Just last month I had to ask to use the toilet, and suddenly I'm being asked to decide my future in a snap.

I know if I did end up going to college I will be leaving town. This place is beautiful, but there was a whole world out there I have never been able to see yet because I've been so trapped in a small town. The furtherest I've been was to New York and that was with my family for a weekend because my mum wanted to go shopping. Other than that, we've never left the crappy town we've lived in.

I haven't decided where I'd go, but if Michael and I ever happened to get together, I know I'd go wherever he would go. Because he was the only person I cared about more than myself.

I always think back to Michael because he probably had all of this planned. He was probably going to become something that was going to get him heaps of money, that was going to make him have a nice house, a nice family. As much as I tried to get the picture of Michael having a happy family, and one that I'm not in, it wouldn't work. All I could think about was Michael giving kisses the another guy before going to work, and Michael laying down with another guy loving him.

* * *

"He's upstairs. Do not tell his father I let you up," his mother said to me. We had a small talk about how she hasn't seen me around lately, I made up lies about how it was because practice was taking up all my time. In reality it was because Michael most likely hates my guts.

"Thank you, Mrs. Clifford," I said politely. I walk upstairs the familiar stairs. Their house hasn't changed at all, except there were more portraits of Michael on the wall. They were more recent, and there was one with Luke too. Neither of them looked aware that a photo was being taken of them. They were sitting on the couch, Michael had his head rested of Luke's shoulder. They looked like the couple everyone would love to be.

I took a left, walking up to Michael's door. He didn't have any "keep out" signs, it was just plain, unlike his personality. I knocked twice then twisted the doorknob. His mother didn't say anything about anyone being over, so I was hopefully not walking into any type of sexual sense.

He was in a white dress, twirling around to soft classical music in the back. He looked so free and happy, like there was nothing that could hurt him. I walk in quietly, trying to not bring any attention towards me, but as I closed the door, it creaked, causing him to look my direction. He smiled at me and waved. It was like all worries, fights and arguments we had had never happened. He didn't turn the music off, he just sat on his bed, swaying his head lightly. He patted the space next to him, gesturing for me to sit. I did as he pleased. He rested his head on my shoulder.

"Sometimes I fuck up," I spoke up, breaking the silence. "But I really am sorry."

"It's okay," he replied softly.

"I don't know how to fix it," I said sadly.

"I'll help you," he promised.

No one spoke again for a while. The music kept going, putting the two of us into ease. It was a comfortable silence between us.

"Luke and I are no longer together," he said when the song switched to another one. He didn't found sad, but more relieved. "We're friends, he comes over, we cuddle and be cute occasionally, but we're not together."

"So you're single?" He chucked slightly. I could feel his head rub against my shoulder, indicating that he was nodding. "So does that mean I have a chance?"

He didn't reply, instead he took my hand, interlocking our fingers. "Yeah, that means you have a chance."

- - -

For more selfies follow my twitter (i posted like eight oh) >> @mukedearest (( will also add u in a group dm with michael if u want it ))

or insta >> @alezzi_

I missed u guys, and thank u for the nice messages and comments. it meant so much to me, especially the fact i thought like no one's going to give a shit, you know?

I start exams on Sunday and they're on for 7 days and i've got 11 exams, wish me luck. but how are u guys? does anyone need any help with math homework?

Question of the day: where are you from?

I'm Iraqi/Canadian/Dominican (the island in the Caribbean not the republic one) but I live in Dubai :-)