Loverboy || Malum

Chapter Six

C A L U M ' S P O V 

November 2006

Michael's birthday was coming closer and closer and my heart keeps beating faster and faster. I had to clue what he wanted for his birthday and I had no birthday gift ideas planned out. I never got the time to ask him what he did want since Michael and I have grown apart slightly. He was always reading or studying whereas I was always playing soccer. They assigned me as team captain and I had to have personal training.

When I did see Michael, though, my heart fluttered. The feelings I felt the first day I saw him never left. He made my stomach do flips and my heart beat so, so fast that I wanted to cry. Whenever I was with Ashton and Luke, I never felt that was but it was only around Michael I felt like that and it was driving me crazy. I was so scared that the feelings I had felt inside would end up ruining the friendship we have now. Michael meant everything to me and I didn't want to ever lose him, ever. 

According to the internet, that was what people thought or felt towards those who had some type of feeling towards their best friend of the same gender and it freaked me out so so so much. The only reason I did use the internet was to find out what I was feeling and to see if it was just in my head, but it was not. They claim I like like Michael.

I didn't know what to do about those feelings, but they just would not stop bothering me. A part of me was telling me that it was all in my head, but I didn't want it to just be my thoughts messing around with me. Though, a part of me was terrified of those feelings because I did not know what it would end up to. I was afraid if I told anyone about them, they'd get disgusted in me, and see me differently. Even if I've known Ashton and Luke my entire life, it doesn't mean that they would not go against me.

"Calum! Dinner," Mali hollered. I ran downstairs and hoped that eating would clear my mind. As I was going down the stairs, I heard my parents voices getting louder and louder. They seemed to be discussing something and the fact that my mum was whisper yelling to my father made it look like the discussion was not a good one. I felt my heart speed up. 

"He was googling what 'gay' was, I'm pretty sure something is not right for an eleven year old!" My mum whispered loudly.

"He could be expanding his knowledge," My dad replied, calmly.

"Which was why the previous history tab was 'why am I hving feelings 4 my guy friend when I am a guy,'" she replied in a 'duh' tone. I widened my eyes because they were talking about me. It was me who had googled that information. I quickly ran back upstairs but about half way up, my mum called my name. "Calum, get down here this instant," she said sternly. I turned around and walked down the stairs. I was looking directly at the ground, too afraid to look at my parents.

"Son," my dad started. "Was it you who googled those questions?" He asked, in a soft tone. I looked up at him for a second before looking the opposite direction. He did not look mad. He was smiling, in fact. He looked like he cared and it made me happy. I nodded my head, yes. 

"Why?" My mum asked. Her tone was like my father's.

"I feel things around Michael," I said quietly, looking down at my feet and fiddled with my thumb.

"What kind of things?" My dad asked.

I stayed quiet for a second, trying to recall how I did feel around him. I knew my stomach turned and flipped and I always felt so happy around him. He made me so happy. He was able to make me laugh and smile even after my coach says things that could hurt a little.

"Happy," I said.

"Don't you feel happy here?" My dad asked. He sounded slightly hurt. I looked up at him. His eyebrows were furrowed and a small frown was placed on his face.

"I do, but," I cut myself off, trying to word things correctly. "He makes me feel like more happy. I don't know." I sighed. 

"When did you start feeling these things?" My mum asked. 

"A little while back," I replied. 

"Ha," Mali cut in as she came down the stairs with her a smoke in her mouth. "You both owe me 50 bucks!" My parents graoned but pulled out their wallets, both pulling out a fifthy dollar bill. I scrunched my eyebrows, confused as to what had just happened.

"Yeah, yeah," my mum said in a bored tone as she gave Mali the money. "Dinner is ready, just get to the table." 

We all went and sat at the table, talking about our normal every day lives. It seemed like they had just forgotten about what we were talking about twenty minutes ago. I was relieved that my parents did not make a fuss about that because when I was searching about the feelings, it also said things about parents being mean to their kids and I didn't want that. I loved my family so much. They are always so good to me and never fussed when I did want something.

As we were finishing up dinner, Mali pulled out another smoke, and lit it up. My mother gave her a look of disapproval. "Do you really have to smoke when they neighbours are cops?" She said, annoyed. Mali just nodded and smirked, not caring about my mothers opinion on her smoking habits.

- - - 

I've had a shit week so this chapter is very short, sorry.