Loverboy || Malum

Chapter Eighteen

C A L U M ' S P O V

Michael ignored me the entire school day. He had left his house earlier than usual and barely uttered a word when I sat next to him, Luke and Ashton at lunch. He was playing with his food, cutting it into small pieces and even small pieces them moving them around before saying "excuse me" and leaving us. I wanted to go and follow him, but it would have only made things worse and left the other two suspicious.

Although I did not want to betray Michael, I knew I was doing it all along. It helped me clear my mind and even for a moment, it let me stop thinking about how Michael's with Luke and not with me. I never complain about him and Luke, though and I never try to get Michael to break up with Luke, even if I knew he wasn't the one for Michael.

While my two best friends were talking about how much they loved some new video game that came out, I thought about the blond boy who had just walked away. I was physically there with the pair, but mentally, I was on a whole different world.

I remembered the first day I saw him, with his hideous choice in colours. He still doesn't colour coordinate well, but at least it wasn't as bad as before. I remember that feeling he made me feel. It felt weird and uncomfortable, something I didn't know whether I enjoyed feeling or not. Looking back at the younger version of me, I wish I could tell myself to stay away from the boy with the sunglasses and the pretty smile.

* * *

The bell rings, school is over for the day. I wanted to so badly make my way towards Michael, walk him home like I always used to. Maybe then he'd start to think better of me, but I didn't. I could feel my palms sweating and hear my heart beating loudly. That was how I always felt when I went so long without a smoke. I didn't mean for it to be like this, but then again, I didn't mean for many things to happen, but it did.

It was a relief but it was also stressful. I could feel a rush in my body, putting me into a better state of mind, but I could also hear the blood rushing in my body and my blood pumping. I took my pack out of my pocket; I had three cigarettes left, which should be enough for the day. Usually I would smoke with Nicole, but she decided not to come to school today. Lighting up the cancer stick, I sighed.

Football season was in three months and I needed to get in shape again. It isn't that I'm not in shape, it's just that I've been doing stupid things at such a young age, and I did know the consequences. I knew I wasn't allowed to do anything illegal because it could get me kicked off of the team, but I do it anyways. I didn't want to get kicked out, I just couldn't stop.

I placed the stick between my lips, inhaling. The burn around the back of my mouth and in my throat felt disgusting, but it calmed me, so I didn't complain. I blow out the smoke, hating what I've become in the past month or two.

* * *

I walked up to his doorbell, taking in a deep breath. I knew his parents weren't home, and I was glad for that. It meant that this was going to be, hopefully, only him and me. The sound of someone walking down the stairs echoed following with a bang.

"Fuck, shit," someone who sounded a lot like Michael had said from the inside. "Fuck," he whined.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from laughing. Maybe that was what I liked about him so much, he was a complete dork.

The door opened slowly. In front of me stood Michael with a wine red skirt on and a black top that many girls wear. It was cut from the sleeves and hugged above his waist.

"Wow," I blurted. I widened my eyes and slapped my mouth realising what I had just said. "Uh, sorry, you just look really," I said eying him up and down, trying so hard to stay calm, "beautiful."

He nodded his head and looked at the ground. I sighed knowing it was and will always be my fault we are no longer like what we used to be.

"I'm sorry. I fucked up, Mike, and I kno-."

"If you're hear to apologise then go back to do the same things you were doing before, there really isn't a point of apologising, Calum," he cut me off bluntly. I nodded my head, knowing what he meant, but I wasn't going to leave until we were at least a slight bit more civil than this.

"You want me to say I'll stop, but Michael, you and I both know it's not that easy."

"Yeah," he spat. "But it was easy for you to start, and it was easy to call that girl your friend when it took you months before you decided to call Ashton and Luke our friends. And it was easy for you to let all of this happen. I don't see how you stopping won't be easy either."

"I call her my friend because she understands what I'm going through and it's easy to talk about things with her," I try to reason with him.

"Oh, so she can understand what you're going through, but I can't? And what, it's so hard to be able to talk about things to me?" He sounded offended and I wanted to scream. I didn't want this to happen, but maybe I was looking too much on the positive side to realise what would really happen. I never imagined us fighting, not like this at least. I imagined our fights to have been those stupid couple ones where they're on the phone for hours fighting over who will hang up first.

"It's not like that, Michael!" I raised my voice. He raised his eyebrow.

"Then explain to me what was so bad that you had to ignore me for so long." He begged desperately.

"It's because I love you, you fool!" I screamed without thinking. He tensed up and looked at me with so much fear. The colour on his face had faded, he looked white. I took a step back then ran towards my house, regretting everything that had just happened in the past ten minutes.

- - -

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID I'D TRY TO FIX THIS WHOLE "WATTPAD BEING BLOCKED" SHIT. I DID. AFTER LOTS OF BEGGING, MY MUM AGREED TO PAY FOR MY VPN SO I AM HERE FOR A YEAR. ((not rly I'm here till december bc i will disappear off the face of planet earth after that bc studying for my external exams yo!!!))

Soz for not updating in a while btw. I've gotten 12 hours of sleep all week!!!!! But next chapter, get ready for a fuck ton of surprises. ((and a lot of ashton((((i did say he played a major role))))))