Green Is Your Color||KilluaxGon

[21] Saudade

The summer went by in a whir. In the two weeks Killua had before leaving for Washington, he and Gon had met up just about every day, not sparing a single moment.

Retz, Ikalgo, and Zushi left for New York again, bidding an unfortunate farewell to the two lovers. Killua hid his excitement as Retz walked away in the airport, but he was sad to see the other two go.

Knuckle, however, had yet to move into his dorms for early admission, so he stayed with Gon and Mito at Victoria's home. Being around Gon so often, he saw how every day they got closer to the 29th, Gon's demeanor would diminish slightly more.

On the 28th, Killua was feeling especially depressed—more so than usual. He felt gross every time he thought of school, because every time he thought of school, he thought about Washington; which led him to feel nostalgic about the school he was leaving. That, in turn, made him think about Dominic and all that he did. And that reminded him of the party and Gon and how loved he felt.

He wasn't ready to leave him behind. Even if Gon was so adamant on maintaining their relationship, he wondered if things would actually end up working out. If things ended with Gon, he didn't know what he'd do. He knew they were high schoolers and that they were likely to fail, but he just wouldn't be able to take it.

He hadn't ever been loved the way he's loved with Gon. It was an indescribable feeling, really, and Killua couldn't get enough. He felt so comfortable with Gon after spending his life walking on eggshells. Gon made him feel so loved and worthwhile; he didn't ever want to be away.

He felt so gross if he was left to his own devices. He didn't feel pretty or interesting or worth anything beyond the physical and academic.

So, the 28th was pivotal; the last day Killua had in Los Angeles. He and Gon ventured out to the park for likely, the last time ever.

They returned to their spot—or at least that's what Killua liked to think of it. It reminded him of a word he'd stumbled across one time—redamancy. They overlooked the nice lake, sun setting slowly. Killua gazed melancholically at the vibrant colors of the sunsetting sky, thought running rampant but his body lay still.

Gon watched him closely, examining his every feature and movement. He watched Killua play with the ends of his hair as he hugged his knees tightly to his chest. He watched Killua's slight changes in expression only visible through his eyes. He watched Killua fiddle with loose pebbles and gravel from the rough grass. Watching Killua be so hurt hurt him even more.

"Killua, how are you feeling?" Gon whispered, putting his arms around Killua.

Killua startled slightly but leaned into Gon's touch. He chewed absentmindedly on his bottom lip, wondering what kind of answer he could provide. He manufactured lie after lie before eventually reaching a conclusion; lying is what got him into a mess like this anyway.

Hesitantly, he sucked in a shaky breath. "I'm not feeling...well." He admitted awkwardly. "But it's unimportant. I just want to be with you right now."

Gon hummed, pulling Killua into a soft hug. He rubbed Killua's back lovingly, reminiscing in their memories at this park.

"You know, this'll be our last time here?" Killua muttered. Gon raised an eyebrow.
"They're going to tear it down in August."

"I didn't know about that."

"Yeah." Killua whispered melancholically. "Do you think we'll last? Do you want us to?"

"You're kind of ridiculous sometimes." Gon sighed. "Obviously I want us to last. And, if you ask me, I think we'll last. We'll figure things out, Killua. I promise you, I won't leave your side."