Green Is Your Color||KilluaxGon

[19] When You're All Alone, I Will Reach For You

TW/CW!! : SA, SH, Dominic

excuse any typos; I got acrylics lmfao

July came around in no time and with it, so did the party. And while Killua was originally only going to attend for Gon, he decided it'd be nice to get out. He wasn't typically invited to non-school events and he figured it wouldn't be a terrible idea to try and enjoy himself with Jackie. Plus, he owed her for the last few weeks of her aiding him without reason or any real responsibility.

It felt odd, these last couple weeks. It felt lonely, sure, but by far the oddest weeks of his life. He felt odd, really. Kind of a strange, empty feeling for a teenage boy to feel. He had lots on his mind, but also nothing on his mind, and he couldn't seem to shake the feeling that winter would precede spring as always. Or, he'd hoped at least. It'd be such a waste for all of this to not lead to something significantly more rewarding. And, by god, it would be just such a disappointment.

He'd fallen back into old habits, finding new and more creative places to inflict pain on himself and relieve stress. In the dead of summer, long sleeves became his best friend. His room became his comfort and his meals consisted of sugary drinks and plain snacks. He almost missed this feeling; and he was sort of glad he'd fallen back into all of this. It was much more comforting than being happy. He always felt that happinesses could only be stripped from him far too easily far too soon.

His father had been home these last few days—and so had Gon's, but that wasn't his focus—and he'd been walking on eggshells around him again. He didn't usually leave his room anymore except for meals. And at night when the reality of his loneliness set in, he didn't cry much louder than a sniffle or two for fear of being confronted and punished by his father. Killua had hoped his father wouldn't be home the night of the party, but it was growing to be inevitable. The only way to gain his father's approval of him going was to become the model son he'd always wanted—or at least play the part. It sort of worked in his favor when he offered to answer the random doorbell ring late at night.

A note from Gon. That was new. Unfamiliar. Irritating, but...endearing. He put the letter on hold for a while; he'd started it but failed miserably at keeping it together. He didn't make it much farther past the first paragraph before breaking down in tears.

So, there he sat, sitting up ring on his bed, staring maliciously at the letter he'd been avoiding. He sniffed and dragged his hands down his face, rising to do anything but stare at the letter he so desperately wanted to burn.

Killua figured now would be a good time to ask his father for permission to go to the party. It was tonight, so his dad was less likely to change his mind last minute.

He shuffled awkwardly up the stairs and towards his dad's office. He paused as he reached the doorway and inhaled slowly. He did his best to calm himself, taking deep breaths and shutting his eyes. When he was ready, he knocked on the doorway and entered slowly.

"Hi, Dad." Killua said sheepishly whilst waving at the unamused man. "Are you busy?"

"Not particularly. What do you need?" He turned his swivel chair to face his son.

"Well, there's this party I was invited to and Dominic's hosting it—you know, Pembrook? It's going to be held in the school's gymnasium and everyone at school's attending."

Silva paused, waiting for something else. He raised an eyebrow. "So?"

"So, I was wondering if it'd be okay to go? I won't be out any later than midnight and I'll be responsible." Killua negotiated with him.

"Will there be alcohol?"

"Ah, no, nothing like that." Killua fidgeted.

"Are you intending to lie your way into getting permission?"