Hate Me (Chris Evans)

12

As much as I want to make a fast getaway from the studios, the fans decide otherwise and it also means having to be around Chris as he also signs a few autographs for people. I can feel Megan's eyes looking disapprovingly at me - if she's pissed at 'Let it Die', I can't wait to put out 'Hate Me' on Spotify for her to indulge in. Bad press for Chris is her worst nightmare but considering this time around he was the ass? I'm going to once again tell my truth. 

Did I mention that I can also be a bitch when I want to be? 

I wonder what his girlfriend thinks of it all. 

Once we're done and in the sanctuary of the car taking me to the airport, I get the call I knew that I would be having. 

"Essie..." His voice comes down the line, accent more prominent than I remember - or did I start to forget him even though we've just been thrown together again? 

I must be glaring to myself because now I catch Jen across the seat from me looking like she knows exactly who it is. Of course she does - even she expected it. "Chris". 

He sighs and then launches straight into it. "You are so full of shit, you know that? The song? Once again you're at it". 

"You'd rather I be full of you though, and don't fucking deny it". I have no time for this. "So you'd best tell your wonderful publicist that she's about to have her work cut out for her". 

"You have a boyfriend, isn't that enough for you?" He snaps. 

"Clearly it's not for you considering you appear to keep contacting me". 

"Because once again we're back to square one! I thought we were done with this?" 

I pause. "Are you?" 

Silence. 

"No. No I'm not". He now says, "and it seems like you're not either". My hands are shaking but my blood is boiling. "I'm gonna take your silence as a no too". 

"Don't pretend you know what I'm thinking". I throw back 

He huffs. "I'm not, because I do know! I know you better than you think I do Ess". 

"Richard knows me more". 

"You keep telling yourself that". 

On that note I hang up on him and look at Jen. "The label need a meeting. I want Hate Me put out as a single". 

"Essie they may not -"

I interrupt her. "Just get them on the phone. It's the final song in my 'Trilogy of Chris' and quite frankly it needs to go off with a bang". 

His words are still annoying me though. To know he's not done with me, with us - but now it's making me question everything and I hate it. 

**

Richard senses my mood once I'm back home and trying to throw myself into writing the next album over the next couple of months. Of course my label were in agreement for 'Hate Me' to be released and I finally felt some relief on doing so. 

But it's not closure like I thought I'd have. I've said my part but named no names, even though it's staring people in the face. 

So why the hell can't I move on? 

"You're not ok". Richard states as he brings me a glass of wine one evening, settling himself next to me with his own. "You never told me about what actually happened over there". 

I shrug. "Some things were said - things I don't think either of us wanted to hear". 

"I thought as much. Even I know he's not over you..." He trails off before he looks at me seriously. "And if I'm honest, you're not over him either". 

I open my mouth to protest but the words don't come out. Instead I just mutter an "I'm sorry..." 

Where I'm expecting him to explode with rage or start an argument - there is nothing. Instead he just smiles. "Well I just hope you don't write a trilogy about me". He chuckles and I choke out a sob as he holds me close. "Hey, it's ok - sometimes it's better to just let people go - I'm not angry Ess, we gave it our best shot, but even I know I'll never be him". 

I wipe my eyes. "Can we at least be friends? What me and him couldn't be?" 

I can't hate him. If anything he should just be furious at me. 

"You bet". He pulls away and winks. "But you need to get your head together. Work on the 'Halcyon' album, take time and you know you're bound to run into one another again". 

I nod. "Do - erm...do you still want me to come to the premiere next week?" He's got a new movie coming out and I just know there will be rumours flying if I don't show up with him. 

"Why wouldn't I?" He asks. "You support me, I support you. It's what we do". 

I smile and hug him again. "Can I play you a demo we recorded the other day? It's kind of become my favourite I've written for the album so far". 

"Sure". He says and sits back, sipping his wine as I get it up on my phone for him to hear. 

He is the first person to ever hear 'My Blood' - and also the first person to tell me that it needs to be on the album whatever anyone else says.