Hate Me (Chris Evans)

14

I don't realise how nervous I am until the knock at my hotel door sounds and I check through the peephole. 

It's him, and he's still in his premiere attire so he must have come straight from there. I open the door and he quickly walks in, turning back to me as I close the door. "So...you turn up to the premiere...why? More publicity? You got another song about me coming out?" 

"I didn't know it was your bloody film until Jen told me today - I didn't even want to go! I couldn't stand the thought of sitting through it knowing you were just a few rows in front!" 

"So why the fuck did you even turn up?" He exasperates. 

"Perhaps it's because you're always on my fucking mind and you never leave it! Not once! It's exhausting! You said we weren't done, no we're not. Now I don't know what your girlfriend thinks of all this or even if she cares? But does she know you're not done with me? With us? Because apparently that's what we are. Us". 

He just stares at me before he replies. "She knows enough". 

"Does she know you're here now? Was she even there tonight?" 

"I don't see what that has to do with you". 

"Everything. Because I'd sure like to know why my boyfriend is running off to see his ex fling in a hotel. I'd like to know just why he's admitted that he's not done with her". 

"Because I still care about you!" He says and continues to look at me. 

I swallow and then look anywhere but at him. "Damn..." I mutter. "I wouldn't wanna be her right now..." 

He shakes his head. "I care about you, always have". 

"You pushed me away!" 

"Because I thought I was doing the right thing for you! And I blew it, I lost the chance of us. But we're both in different places right now". He says and runs a hand through his hair, making him look even sexier with the dishevelled glasses look. 

I turn away from him and pick at my nails. Anything to keep my mind occupied from wanting to just go up and kiss him. But I can't. I wouldn't do that to whoever is waiting for him back at home. "Are you happy?" I ask. "Tell me honestly". 

There's a pause and it's too long for my liking, but finally he answers. "Yeah - I am". 

And the Oscar goes to...

I almost believe him, but know he's only lying to both me and himself at this point. Either way I don't question him. I simply reply with one word. "Ok". 

"Ess - I don't want to leave things on bad terms. I feel like we find some kind of happy medium and then it all goes to shit. I want us to be amicable. I want to be friends if we can even be that". 

We will never be that, not as long as the other is breathing. We'll always be so much more regardless of who we date, where in the world we are. 

Perhaps it is time to just cut the cord. 

"I don't think it's going to be possible anymore. And I don't want to mess up your chance of being happy and probably having a family". I tell him. 

"You even gonna look at me?" I look back and meet his eye. "So you're saying that's it? You don't want anything else to do with one another?" 

I nod. "It's for the best. You're happy - I'm single and still focusing on the music. Maybe that's what's meant to happen for us". 

He has to accept this and eventually seems like he does, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Well...guess this is it then", and comes over to me - taking my hands in his and kissing my knuckles. "I'll keep it to that considering after I leave this room we probably won't see one another again. But despite everything? I'm glad that we had what we had Ess". 

"Yeah..." I once again force the lump in my throat back down into the pit of my stomach. "Me too". He lets go finally and makes for the door. "There's one more thing. I've emailed you a file - but don't listen to it until you're back home. I'd like your honest opinion about it". 

He doesn't question what it is but instead nods at this. "Ok, I'll check it out". 

Then he's gone, leaving me standing there realising that the cord is cut. We're pretty much free of one another other than the file that sits unopened in his emails. A new song that I wrote pretty much expressing everything about him. 

Just for him. 

Maybe one day people will hear it - but for now? 'Love Goes On' is just between us.