Pain of love

13

I slept horribly that night I barley slept, Roma had changed my bandages but they were too tight and were pinching my skin. I finally had enough and went downstairs to the kitchen determined to fix them myself.

I found the first aid kit that was kept in the cupboard and found bandages and tape as well as some scissors. I was annoyed and tired and I ripped the bandages off so fast the wounds in my shoulder began to dribble with blood I let out a little cry before unwrapping my leg. It was the first time I'd actually looked at the stitched up gashes they were ugly and were bound to leave scars. I sighed angrily and wrapped my leg back up.

Wrapping my own shoulders wasn't something I'd even thought about the more I twisted myself to wrap one I'd pull at the stitches on the other causing me to gasp in pain. I gave up and sat on the stool at the kitchen counter my shoulders dribbled blood. I cried quietly in anger. Anger at so many things. Anger I was incapable of wrapping my own shoulders, anger that angel was dead and anger that tom just thought he could put me back where he found me like a toy on a shelf and it would be okay.

The door to toms room slowly clicked open and I heard him as he walked towards me, I did not turn to look.

"What have you done" he asked

"They were too tight I tried to change them but I can't and it's all your fault" I cried.

"I don't really see how this particular problem is my fault but if it makes you feel better to blame me then okay"

"It does"

"So blame me for whatever you need to then"

He smiled at me I didn't return it.

Tom picked the bandages up from the side, I went to dodge away from his touch but he grabbed my arm and held me still. He gently wrapped the bandages around my shoulders taping them down.

"Better?" He asked

I nodded

"Thank you" I whispered

He sat on the stool next to me and we sat there for a while in silence it was awkward at first but eventually I began to feel more comfortable taking comfort in the sensation of not being alone. Eventually he spoke.

"Why are you torturing yourself like this come sleep in my room I'll sleep on the sofa but stop torturing yourself up there"

"I can't" I whispered

"Why you're just hurting yourself more Florence"

I didn't answer this I knew he was right, but I also knew the pain was the only way I could keep her alive, the more painful it was the more I remembered her. The lump in my throat when I heard her name the bitterness of knowing she won't ever be here again. If pain could keep her memory alive then pain was my new best friend.

"I just can't at the moment" I finally said

I stood up he looked at me sadly and I turned and left, we were supposed to bury her tomorrow I still didn't know if I could watch.

Sleep did not come easy for the rest of the evening. I tossed and turned for most of it but eventually I managed a few hours.

The next morning I watched out the window as two men came and dug in the garden, her grave would be visible from my window this was both comforting and stomach turning at the same time.

Watching the hole being dug really set in that she was gone. Life would move on people would forget and she would remain frozen in time here.

I changed into a black jumper and jeans I stared at the black dresses in the wardrobe I knew she'd want me to but I couldn't not today I hoped she'd forgive me for this.