Pain of love

4

The next day I'd barley moved Roma had dragged me from my bed into the living room where I sat staring at my blood stained hands which were now sore and hurt to touch.

Bill had gone to collect Tom from the hospital but angel had told me I was in no state to go with him, I'd hoped they'd come straight home but it was now 7:00pm and they weren't back, Gustav had bought an ashtray inside and told me just to smoke on the sofa.

I think they all thought I'd had a psychotic break and I had gone insane, I hadn't I think, I just wanted Tom to come back I wanted to be able to close my eyes without seeing the blood and most of all I wanted to sleep. Taking sleeping pills knocks you out but leaves you feeling like you haven't slept for 10 years the next morning.

Roma offered me food but I didn't want to eat, she was sat next to me on the sofa watching a film with angel while I chain smoked and stared at my hands. At around 9:30 I had enough of their quiet giggling at the film and told them I was going to bed.

"Do you want me to come" Roma asked pausing the film.

I shook my head picking up the ashtray and my cigarettes and made my way to toms room. The room was dark which meant I couldn't see my hands something I was glad of, I sat on the bed and lit another cigarette. I had to snap out of this or pretty soon I would go insane, tomorrow I had to get the blood off and I promised myself I would eat something. I put the cigarette out and got into the bed. I looked at the packet of pills on the side and decided against it I wanted to actually feel like I'd slept.

The nightmare was the same, Tom was bleeding I was screaming his name but I could not reach him this time I was watching the man stab him again and again I was reaching for him when I was woken by someone shaking my shoulders.

"It's okay" the deep voice said

"I'm here"

It was Tom my body relaxed almost instantly relief flooding my system I let myself relax into his arms.

"I couldn't get to you you were dying" I cried

"I thought you'd have been happy if I died" he said

"No" I said quietly before starting my sobbing again

"Come on now stop this I'm fine and you're fine"

"I'm not fine my hands it won't come off and all I can see when I close my eyes is blood" I wailed

I was being an absolute baby and I was fully aware of it but I could not help it. Tom scooped me up from the bed carrying me into the bathroom and placing me on the counter. He began to fill the sink full of hot water and placed a white wash cloth in.

"Hands" he said reaching for mine

I placed my hands into his letting out a little groan at how stained they were. Tom took the wash cloth out the sink and wrung it out he gently wiped at my hands they stung and I winced in pain.

"Who's stupid idea was it to scrub them raw" he asked

"Mine" I whispered

He shook his head gently wiping them

"You want it off now you're sure because this is going to hurt?"

I nodded

"Please I can't bare to look at it any more"

He reached under the sink pulling out a bottle of rubbing alcohol, he poured some over the wash cloth. As he placed the wash cloth to my hands they burned with pain, I almost cried out but stopped myself. Tom slowly wiped them clean I saw the blood slowly coming off and decided I could stand the burning.